She lay awake in her tiny bed, underneath the pallid covers, her neck sore from sleeping on one pillow. Her sleep medicine has worn off and she is now once again a prisoner to her insomnia. Ironically it never showed up in the mere silence she always put up. In fact any of the expression never showed up at least in the last 6 years. That is vaguely the figure I got to know about her from the warden who was associated with her. She was never moved by anything, neither elated by any damn PJ too. Neither got disturbed by her roommate snore. She looked as if she was trapped in a house that was filling with water, drowning and gasping for air and making a mental note to live that moment.
I was more inquisitive about her only although many suggested not to waste time on her. I went up to her with a sweet box and said, “Lady, I got a seat in top management school “. Immediately I could see her actually react, that is supposed to be the first reaction of the decade. She smiled and said …” Radha … Go, live it all! Be careful of this big bad world “.And best part was the doc was surprised to hear her speak and that too in Kannada. Then suddenly a tear dropped down within no time it turned into long sob. And strangely this even didn’t come up in her regular psychotherapies.I meant any of these emotions. I wanted to know more. I managed to spend time with her alone, thanks to my psychology degree :-) . That served me some or other time.
Then, I began to look at examine her meticulously, yet not showing up that I am doing something as profession. I asked her, “Radha is your daughter, no”. She hasn’t replied as ever. “If at all I am Radha, what would you say? At least be the mom you are to tell me all. Don’t worry I am no way related to the examiners who visit you .I am just here to celebrate my happiness “.
Then she began to speak.” U stay all alone in this city? No harm to you? A world ready to exploit the women, u should be married or stay in your parents’ shelter”.
I allowed her to speak.
She spoke as if I hypnotized to know her past. “I am a lady who hail from a small village in Karnataka where I had bare minimum education .I was married as a trade between two parties of two villages. Before I realized that I am married, I moved out into another party which turned me to be a prostitute. I worked till my ovaries were removed. By then I had a gal child at age of 22. All I knew by then is she should be not me and she should be educated”. Then she stopped as her voice choked in the dreadful past. I could actually see the adversity she faced on her face while narrating.
She continued, “I moved to the next village to make the living for both of us. I joined Radha in school. I started working in a hospital as a sweeper. Once my ill health showed up while working which diagnosed to be AIDS. Then doc suggested Radha also to have a check up on it. Finally my dark secret of being a prostitute was out. Radha couldn’t take this disgrace. She left me to work her living than studying with my money. Unfortunately she faced this bad world in the doc who diagnosed me. She was eventually killed so brutally.I swept her body too. Well, this is also used as a documentary movie for awareness and I was paid for it … Had she been studying … now she would be like u in some management course”.
Looking at her then keenly, I found her so beautiful for the way she snubbed her past and filled her void darkness in this silence. But I could not stop asking her what she was doing here and why is so resistant to the treatment? Then I realized Mental hospitals are very misunderstood places. There is a certain stigma not only attached to being a patient in a mental hospital, but to the whole field of mental health to begin with. The people I met were not nuts. They just needed a little extra help and a safe, relaxing place to recuperate from their problems
She spoke again “I went in suicidal, depressed, and a terrified mess, and two months later, I came out, in the process of being healed, with people, and a new perspective on life. My hospitalization not only saved my life, it changed it”. Yet again I didn’t speak cuz I fear the trap of emotions than the feeling of emptiness. I dread the confidence in the world, yet again I learnt that I had a life that to start fresh and be thankful to the lord for being alive to avail the chance”.
I wondered how she could actually snub all the emotions blanketing it with the peaceful silence.
Quickly she grabbed her bag to pull out an Rs10 note to lend it to me to pay my fees with it saying that she is giving it to her daughter.This is the last saving she made to pay Radha's school fee. She even confirmed that it was earned by gardening. I was really touched. Asked her to promise that she would react to the medication and yet show up the zeal then only I would take her gift.
Probably I could not comprehend her emotions properly but I could just say that -Life is the greatest gift. Feel that beauty of creation in and around u .laugh a day, make someone’s day happier and appreciate that everything which is good to you. Respect everything and stop not in expressing ourselves. Life comes with no boundaries and limitations. Live it to the fullest. Be thankful to be alive and enjoy in all. If at all it did inspire any of you, my task is fulfilled.This is all I learnt how to live in disgrace too .
Courtesy: Kasturba Nature Care Hospital , Hyderabad.
Disclaimer: It is purely an non fictional work , a real experience.
Then, I began to look at examine her meticulously, yet not showing up that I am doing something as profession. I asked her, “Radha is your daughter, no”. She hasn’t replied as ever. “If at all I am Radha, what would you say? At least be the mom you are to tell me all. Don’t worry I am no way related to the examiners who visit you .I am just here to celebrate my happiness “.
Then she began to speak.” U stay all alone in this city? No harm to you? A world ready to exploit the women, u should be married or stay in your parents’ shelter”.
I allowed her to speak.
She spoke as if I hypnotized to know her past. “I am a lady who hail from a small village in Karnataka where I had bare minimum education .I was married as a trade between two parties of two villages. Before I realized that I am married, I moved out into another party which turned me to be a prostitute. I worked till my ovaries were removed. By then I had a gal child at age of 22. All I knew by then is she should be not me and she should be educated”. Then she stopped as her voice choked in the dreadful past. I could actually see the adversity she faced on her face while narrating.
She continued, “I moved to the next village to make the living for both of us. I joined Radha in school. I started working in a hospital as a sweeper. Once my ill health showed up while working which diagnosed to be AIDS. Then doc suggested Radha also to have a check up on it. Finally my dark secret of being a prostitute was out. Radha couldn’t take this disgrace. She left me to work her living than studying with my money. Unfortunately she faced this bad world in the doc who diagnosed me. She was eventually killed so brutally.I swept her body too. Well, this is also used as a documentary movie for awareness and I was paid for it … Had she been studying … now she would be like u in some management course”.
Looking at her then keenly, I found her so beautiful for the way she snubbed her past and filled her void darkness in this silence. But I could not stop asking her what she was doing here and why is so resistant to the treatment? Then I realized Mental hospitals are very misunderstood places. There is a certain stigma not only attached to being a patient in a mental hospital, but to the whole field of mental health to begin with. The people I met were not nuts. They just needed a little extra help and a safe, relaxing place to recuperate from their problems
She spoke again “I went in suicidal, depressed, and a terrified mess, and two months later, I came out, in the process of being healed, with people, and a new perspective on life. My hospitalization not only saved my life, it changed it”. Yet again I didn’t speak cuz I fear the trap of emotions than the feeling of emptiness. I dread the confidence in the world, yet again I learnt that I had a life that to start fresh and be thankful to the lord for being alive to avail the chance”.
I wondered how she could actually snub all the emotions blanketing it with the peaceful silence.
Quickly she grabbed her bag to pull out an Rs10 note to lend it to me to pay my fees with it saying that she is giving it to her daughter.This is the last saving she made to pay Radha's school fee. She even confirmed that it was earned by gardening. I was really touched. Asked her to promise that she would react to the medication and yet show up the zeal then only I would take her gift.
Probably I could not comprehend her emotions properly but I could just say that -Life is the greatest gift. Feel that beauty of creation in and around u .laugh a day, make someone’s day happier and appreciate that everything which is good to you. Respect everything and stop not in expressing ourselves. Life comes with no boundaries and limitations. Live it to the fullest. Be thankful to be alive and enjoy in all. If at all it did inspire any of you, my task is fulfilled.This is all I learnt how to live in disgrace too .
Courtesy: Kasturba Nature Care Hospital , Hyderabad.
Disclaimer: It is purely an non fictional work , a real experience.
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