Yesterday in office, I was having some interesting and chirpy conversation with couple of guys. Yes, we were loud enough that almost everyone in the floor joined us. The crowd got a majority of male employees. Somehow this has been noticed by the HR and interpreted in their style. Ideally, these HR’s are designed that way only where even the guy and girl being in the same room comes as harassment! We, of course were talking … and here comes the adversity. Tomorrow ..undoubtedly they would surely impose some kindergarten rules.
As we noticed her, slowly the crowd got diluted and got back to the regular boring stuff as every day.
As we were getting adjusted there, we were interrupted by an unexpected email from our HR. The email said, in essence, “You must complete a "MANDATORY SEXUAL HARASSMENT TRAINING.” I felt insulted. I mean, I know how to sexually harass people. I don’t need training. In fact I can try helping you with various tips in harassment.
The online presentation started out promisingly. It showed several scenarios where people were performing sexual harassment. Although, I would say their approach to harassment was tad amateurish. I mean, to harass a female colleague, one doesn’t walk up to her and put a hand around her shoulder. It would be done more skillfully. I thought of contacting the HR and offering my skills and experience to prepare a more educational and “hands-on” presentation.
After 10 minutes into the presentation, it suddenly turned tables and started preaching that harassment is wrong. LOL ….That was when I realized the training was about how not to harass.
“What is wrong with HR? They want to take every bit of fun out of work! “
That was the first reaction from N who was next to me.
I could see where it was going. Funnily, we were well prepared to hear that “The complete critical figures chart of All Female Employees”. Mind you... the figures here are just the NUMBERS….
It turns out anything you do, say or even think at work is inappropriate. In short it is considered as luring at the opposite sex. And the presentation goes on and on, mostly because they have to find ways to include all racial types in the “sample scenarios.”
What was more insulting were the “breaks”. After every 3 minutes, they had this completely retarded quiz with the answer so obvious that you have to be some blond bimbo to miss it. (Apparently saying “blond bimbo” is inappropriate too!) The questions looked as silly as this:
Q: When you meet a female coworker, what is an appropriate way to greet her?
A) Hug her firmly and gently caress her posterior
B) Drop on all fours and lick her feet
C) Look into her eyes and say “Good morning”
D) Jump on her and dry hump her
Really? This is an insult to quizzes worldwide.
And this is for the girls there…
Q. Where are you supposed to look when you meet a male coworker?
Luckily no options were given for this ..: P
And the presentation goes on to tell you that the company wants you to be one of those nerdy, stuck up a-holes who reports everything they see to management. In fact, not reporting a potential issue is a violation of company’s policy. I am going to send reports to HR from tomorrow. “I saw a male person holding his unclothed genitals (hidden from view) for about 30 seconds in a public place.” Also known as peeing in the restroom. And now don’t ask me what I am doing in a gent’s rest room: P It happens when we bump in there clueless sometimes, cuz of no boards ….
In any case, by the end of the presentation, I was fatally scared to even talk to male coworkers. It is worse with female coworkers, who I can’t even look at. You see, the laws for same-sex advances are much stricter. And how the hell am I suppose to know what is interpreted as making an advance in the homosexual world! The only ways to stay away from sexual harassment is to blindfold and gag myself and wear a straitjacket and hope that it does not remind anybody of some kinky BDSM fantasy.
As we noticed her, slowly the crowd got diluted and got back to the regular boring stuff as every day.
As we were getting adjusted there, we were interrupted by an unexpected email from our HR. The email said, in essence, “You must complete a "MANDATORY SEXUAL HARASSMENT TRAINING.” I felt insulted. I mean, I know how to sexually harass people. I don’t need training. In fact I can try helping you with various tips in harassment.
The online presentation started out promisingly. It showed several scenarios where people were performing sexual harassment. Although, I would say their approach to harassment was tad amateurish. I mean, to harass a female colleague, one doesn’t walk up to her and put a hand around her shoulder. It would be done more skillfully. I thought of contacting the HR and offering my skills and experience to prepare a more educational and “hands-on” presentation.
After 10 minutes into the presentation, it suddenly turned tables and started preaching that harassment is wrong. LOL ….That was when I realized the training was about how not to harass.
“What is wrong with HR? They want to take every bit of fun out of work! “
That was the first reaction from N who was next to me.
I could see where it was going. Funnily, we were well prepared to hear that “The complete critical figures chart of All Female Employees”. Mind you... the figures here are just the NUMBERS….
It turns out anything you do, say or even think at work is inappropriate. In short it is considered as luring at the opposite sex. And the presentation goes on and on, mostly because they have to find ways to include all racial types in the “sample scenarios.”
What was more insulting were the “breaks”. After every 3 minutes, they had this completely retarded quiz with the answer so obvious that you have to be some blond bimbo to miss it. (Apparently saying “blond bimbo” is inappropriate too!) The questions looked as silly as this:
Q: When you meet a female coworker, what is an appropriate way to greet her?
A) Hug her firmly and gently caress her posterior
B) Drop on all fours and lick her feet
C) Look into her eyes and say “Good morning”
D) Jump on her and dry hump her
Really? This is an insult to quizzes worldwide.
And this is for the girls there…
Q. Where are you supposed to look when you meet a male coworker?
Luckily no options were given for this ..: P
And the presentation goes on to tell you that the company wants you to be one of those nerdy, stuck up a-holes who reports everything they see to management. In fact, not reporting a potential issue is a violation of company’s policy. I am going to send reports to HR from tomorrow. “I saw a male person holding his unclothed genitals (hidden from view) for about 30 seconds in a public place.” Also known as peeing in the restroom. And now don’t ask me what I am doing in a gent’s rest room: P It happens when we bump in there clueless sometimes, cuz of no boards ….
In any case, by the end of the presentation, I was fatally scared to even talk to male coworkers. It is worse with female coworkers, who I can’t even look at. You see, the laws for same-sex advances are much stricter. And how the hell am I suppose to know what is interpreted as making an advance in the homosexual world! The only ways to stay away from sexual harassment is to blindfold and gag myself and wear a straitjacket and hope that it does not remind anybody of some kinky BDSM fantasy.
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