Last year I went along with my friend who was in India after a very long time. We agreed to go and surprise a long lost friend. When we arrived at her place, on agreed upon time – like an idiot, she was not home. Her dad assured us that she would return soon and insisted that we waited. I know typically how the scenario would be since I had this dosage once. I somehow managed to stay engaged on my phone saying it was a private call. For that also I had my dosage but again I was relieved very soon since he was irritated of the “dog bark” ring tone I had.
Our friend’s father, Mr. M, was an interesting guy, interesting being a euphemism for eerie. There was no end to his questions. He seemed to have an ax to grind against Indians living abroad too. He didn’t sound like an average curious George; he sounded more like a lawyer arguing for the death sentence.
This was exactly the same conversation I had couple of years ago when I visited her and now its P ‘s turn. Mr. M: Where do you live?
P stated his name and address for the record.
Several questions followed that say again accusations against him.
Mr. M: How long have you been living in there?
Mr. M: Do you own a house? How much did it cost? Oh my god, for that price you can buy two houses in India.
Mr. M: Which company do you work for? Do you they have a branch in India? Oh, they will, soon.
Mr. M: How frequently do you visit India?
After it was established, beyond evenhanded doubt, that had he been having happy living there, Mr. M continued scornfully.
Mr. M: What platform do you work on?
These days, everybody in India, including retired Math teachers, know everything about software. Not to worry, I have prepared answers for these questions for him. See… experience counts!
He: I don’t have a specific platform. My strength is in adapting to various platforms.
That answer worked well in my job interviews too. But Mr. M looked at him like P was retarded. He proceeded, speaking very slowly.
Mr. M: What language do you use?
My answer would’ve started with “Language is just a tool,” but I knew Mr. M would interpret it as “none of us know any software languages. We are complete morons.” So went with an answer he could appreciate. So did I suggest P to be quick in answering such stuff
P: I use C
Mr. M smirked like a lawyer would when the opponent’s witness makes a blunder.
Mr. M: You use C? In this advanced age, even people in India are using modern languages like Java, Oracle and Cisco. You are living in America and still using C?
I couldn’t resist laughing but again I have no choice of showing it up. We didn’t know which part to correct first. But I knew any attempt to enlighten him would be futile. I told P to have a strong heart to face uncle. Just keep it simple.
P: Yeah, I never learnt Cisco.
At this point, Mr. M decided to stop beating around the bush and determine his worth.
Mr. M: How much do you make?
A question that is not considered too personal in India, at least for a guy. I would have popped up like a sandwich from the toaster had he asked me that. If one evades the question, it would be assumed that one has pathetically low income. P gave him some vague number.
Mr. M: Do you get housing allowance? Vehicle allowance?
After he confessed he didn’t even know that they were, Uncle’s Math-teacher-brain worked like a super computer. He took P salary, compensated for inflation, dollar value fluctuation, housing market downturn and draught in Ethiopia. He arrived at an arbitrary adjusted net salary.
Mr. M: My cousin’s brother-in-law’s son, who works in Bangalore, makes gazillion rupees. Considering his house and car loan allowances, he is making almost as much as you make. So what is the point in your living in there?
He rested his case.
My friend arrived and bailed us out before we could make an opening statement. I don’t know how she interpreted our lunging to hug her and saying, “Baby, you have no idea how glad I am to see you.”
And year after, I am again blessed with an opportunity to meet uncle M …nah …not to see his daughter…to engage his daughter with P …See cupid I have become …
Anyways Congratulations P for the wonderful family you are getting and an interesting FIL…:D:D:D
Our friend’s father, Mr. M, was an interesting guy, interesting being a euphemism for eerie. There was no end to his questions. He seemed to have an ax to grind against Indians living abroad too. He didn’t sound like an average curious George; he sounded more like a lawyer arguing for the death sentence.
This was exactly the same conversation I had couple of years ago when I visited her and now its P ‘s turn. Mr. M: Where do you live?
P stated his name and address for the record.
Several questions followed that say again accusations against him.
Mr. M: How long have you been living in there?
Mr. M: Do you own a house? How much did it cost? Oh my god, for that price you can buy two houses in India.
Mr. M: Which company do you work for? Do you they have a branch in India? Oh, they will, soon.
Mr. M: How frequently do you visit India?
After it was established, beyond evenhanded doubt, that had he been having happy living there, Mr. M continued scornfully.
Mr. M: What platform do you work on?
These days, everybody in India, including retired Math teachers, know everything about software. Not to worry, I have prepared answers for these questions for him. See… experience counts!
He: I don’t have a specific platform. My strength is in adapting to various platforms.
That answer worked well in my job interviews too. But Mr. M looked at him like P was retarded. He proceeded, speaking very slowly.
Mr. M: What language do you use?
My answer would’ve started with “Language is just a tool,” but I knew Mr. M would interpret it as “none of us know any software languages. We are complete morons.” So went with an answer he could appreciate. So did I suggest P to be quick in answering such stuff
P: I use C
Mr. M smirked like a lawyer would when the opponent’s witness makes a blunder.
Mr. M: You use C? In this advanced age, even people in India are using modern languages like Java, Oracle and Cisco. You are living in America and still using C?
I couldn’t resist laughing but again I have no choice of showing it up. We didn’t know which part to correct first. But I knew any attempt to enlighten him would be futile. I told P to have a strong heart to face uncle. Just keep it simple.
P: Yeah, I never learnt Cisco.
At this point, Mr. M decided to stop beating around the bush and determine his worth.
Mr. M: How much do you make?
A question that is not considered too personal in India, at least for a guy. I would have popped up like a sandwich from the toaster had he asked me that. If one evades the question, it would be assumed that one has pathetically low income. P gave him some vague number.
Mr. M: Do you get housing allowance? Vehicle allowance?
After he confessed he didn’t even know that they were, Uncle’s Math-teacher-brain worked like a super computer. He took P salary, compensated for inflation, dollar value fluctuation, housing market downturn and draught in Ethiopia. He arrived at an arbitrary adjusted net salary.
Mr. M: My cousin’s brother-in-law’s son, who works in Bangalore, makes gazillion rupees. Considering his house and car loan allowances, he is making almost as much as you make. So what is the point in your living in there?
He rested his case.
My friend arrived and bailed us out before we could make an opening statement. I don’t know how she interpreted our lunging to hug her and saying, “Baby, you have no idea how glad I am to see you.”
And year after, I am again blessed with an opportunity to meet uncle M …nah …not to see his daughter…to engage his daughter with P …See cupid I have become …
Anyways Congratulations P for the wonderful family you are getting and an interesting FIL…:D:D:D
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