Pune Saga

Finally the saga ends after a solid 2 week torture of Sleepless nights, haunting, evil faces and vampire smiles. Whether the biryani or the bomb blasts; you can’t take away the spirit of Hyderabad from a Hyderabadi. Brought up in a suburb in Hyderabad, the city has surely molded and added its touch to my personality. I should surely tell this, once you live in Hyderabad, you cannot live elsewhere in the world.

PUNE… pune…poooonaaa… whatever it is…..!

Pune, albeit known for its wonderful weather, is a disaster in summers. The dry weather where the sun not only pulls your cheeks from both sides (as if tearing them apart), but also drains every drop out of your system. One can hardly step out after 10am right up to around 4pm when the sun slowly sets.

Traffic….Every second person beyond the age of 18 was on two-wheelers. Every second driver resembled a terrorist with their faces covered beyond recognition, with only their eyes exposed (that too covered with sunglasses). And since I didn’t own a bike there, I was confident of my walking skills, of course, underestimating the severity of the sun above. Barely had I walked 10 minutes (that too at around 11am), with nothing covering my head or face except sunglasses, everything seemed to be going round and round and I had to hail a rickshaw to get me to my destination, which was just 2 lanes away.

The rickshaws in Pune are another story altogether .I would definitely want to write on the ‘Rickshaw-wallas in Pune’ (of course with all the hatred I can muster). The meter system in Pune is ridiculously over-priced as compared to Hyderabad, so for short distances you land up paying almost 2 ½ times that of Hyderabad. And after 8pm, it is a dream if you get a rickshaw anywhere within 5 minutes of stepping out. Rickshaws are there on the road but they flatly refuse to come to where you want to go or ask for Rs. 20 or 30 more than the meter (which is anyway- overpriced). The calculation for the meter is another story of its kind, where you have to multiply the number with 6 and add 2 to get the price you have to pay the rickshaw fellow. The math wizard that I am, had I sat calculating the fare, I could have gone and come back thrice in that much time.

The second difficult aspect in Pune was getting used to the ‘Shuddha Marathi’ here. I kept fumbling for words and then either shifted to English or Hindi. The ‘cha’ of the ‘Chandani Chowk’ or the ‘pha’ being different from the ‘fa’, I had to mark each of my words so that I didn’t goof up on the meanings or pronunciations.

The third and the most difficult thing of Pune was the mentality of the people here. The transportation charges were double than that of Hyderabad but Pune is yet different from Hyderabad. The Puneris, who wouldn’t think twice while watching a movie in a multiplex, would think five times over silly things like paying teachers their due for private classes. They would want everything at their doorstep at prices so low, that they probably won’t pay their maid servants that less. Now y did I ever mention about a maid?? Yeah I overheard that ….

Pune, in spite of all its differences, has a lot that I won’t get in Hyderabad. The superb weather (except in summer) all the time so pleasant that you don’t have to bother about the sweat marks showing on your clothes when you go out. The pace of life in Pune is another wonderful aspect that I love this city for. People here have a life beyond work, where they come in the evenings and either go for walks or just laze around at home, whereas in Hyderabad, you spend half your time travelling long distances, thus making it so fast paced that you crave for a break very soon. Shopping and night life is just tooo awesome!!Every city has its ups and downs, I might yet be very partial to Hyderabad. Bye Bye Pune….

Hyderabadddddd……here I come !!! I feels like a lost friend reunion after 20 long years!!!

Killer English, Awesome Reporter and Pagalpanti

I will now stop writing about the wedding seasons and get-togethers. I've been trying very hard to be funny and witty and engaging all the time and now it's all gone. I'm burnt out. Even I don't find what I have to say remotely interesting anymore. This is why I have retired from facebook.

So I decided enough of these contrived jokes and enough attention seeking, allow me to be that grey spinster lady who only talks about her cat.

Ok ignore all the crap … Am back again with another post.

One unusual day, heavy down pour and loads of gossip with masala pakodas on the side. While we are cherishing our good old school days, B and P went really wild and uncontrollable although they were not sloshed. This went to an extent that my neighbors came up to my door to enquire if everything is alright. Well, the whole sole drama was P, who hardly knew Shakespeare’s spelling while in school and today an official reporter of THE HINDU. Mind you, she is a special correspondent i.e the EDITOR role. Here is her ultimate hold on English.

1. What is your thinking language?

Well, she meant in which language your mind responds first.

2. Rain is falling

3. Fun happened in her birthday party, no!

4. We removed pictures

5. Fun came, no?

6. His cycle went to chori

7. Don’t speak in front of my back!

8. At this point in time

Congratulations P for making there … God save THE HINDU! No wonder he has sent me there as a savior: P

Ciao….

Pagalpanti bhi zaroori hai yaar....

How tough is the tough ?

Dedicated to all the tough nuts !

The toughest thing in the world to stand
Is to watch a friend part away
And be handcuffed to it.

The toughest thing in the world to wish for
Is a need to talk to make things all right
But knowing that anything you say is going to sound all wrong.

The toughest thing in the world to hope for
Is expecting to be loved back with same intensity
When you know the source is bleak and long dead.

The toughest thing in the world to understand
Is why truth tears the heart and soul
And the pain still feels raw each time it is thought of.

The toughest truth in the world to accept
Is knowledge that nothing lasts forever
But to continue life, pretending it does.

Credits to Preeti who to shared it :-)

Chaotic Silence

Lost in deep life in hurt of pain and sadness,
grudges and finally guilt
As every day I have played this game,
trying to act as if it doesn't hurt,
I sit there to realize where lies will, hope and forgiveness
that is surely bliss of love with truth of care

But for those things are now of hope alone
and no truth in them exists
for sorrow and sham
adorning that fate as the longing love

Then his wandering admiring eyes met mine
as though to touch and feel
the warmth that amiss
and the hurt that was now real
pledging agony shall not see,
that light in his eyes will last
for seemed destined that he want to be
a soul of the cast

That moment seemed to flow like a molten sapphire
and there’s deep blue silence,
It's only me, my breath and my heartbeat
It all made me believe in my existence
 but should I own the shun to retain me ?

'TIDE' Zindagi

Have you ever tried remaining in one bedroom for one solid month with one introverted special joy trip to the living room? Have you? No, not in the fun way …Yeah, but I did for some undiagnosed disease and the quirk of fate is am considered normal after 20 loose motions and 10 vomiting per day.

All I was blessed in my room is a jhinchaak green and yellow coloured bedsheet on my bed with over-happy flowers on it. Very nice and jarring. But I might have cabin fever. So everything is appearing a dull uniform shade of taupe. The flowers are turning into little doodle and intermingling. Can anyone think of it as sexual reproduction?
Rest of the room details chahiye ? chal … itna mein itnaich milenga …
No one understands this dulling of color business. It's as though I was in a Tide safedi ad and I'm that idiot who doesn't use Tide soap and the visitors are like Love life lackluster, Dorling? Have no fear, I shall be your Tide soap and with that close up smile.

Any homo sapien who entered my room, I felt as if  they are from some kind of EKTA’s serial with over color on their face and excessively display of affection.

I ate cloromint aur meri dhimak ki batti chali…So to make my TIDE zindagi here I auction my script as the best soap of the century – Ekta are you game?

(Happiness)

Mom comes to see me. I was presented a freshly made sandwich with couple .

"Mmm", I thought, "What a delight. Let me bite into this with great pomp and splendor."

And I did just that.

(Drama)

Just then, a hot tomato peel unwound itself from a tomato slice and landed squarely on my bottom lip. It was very very hot. Jump up and down and shake head to dislodge it kind of hot. Mom...betaaaaaa.... sambalke...

(Suspense)

But, unknown to me, this tomato peel was from a tomato slice that was from a tomato that was from a tomato plant that had grown from a tomato seed that had been sat on by a leech just after being sown. This soon became increasingly apparent since the tomato peel was exhibiting astonishingly leech-like abilities.

(Tragedy)

After all these shenanigans, my lip was purple and swollen.

Mom: Awwwww....meri bachi....

(Bittersweet ending)

It is a day later and my lip has now healed. It is now, however, unnaturally flat.

(Conclusion)

I should get around to write my acceptance speech for the award for Most Ridiculous Accident Ever.

Jay -Veeru and my story

Well, yes I had been away for a while from blogging. Was busy catching up the year-end work pressures and busy attending knowledge sharing sessions across the city. Here I write about one of the funniest sessions I ever had. In fact ,recovering from the last session I had.
There was this interesting “Out of the box “theme going on the previous week with one of the clubs I visit. We were asked to come up with something non- existing yet virtually possible.And we were given few questionnaire too so that the object needs to satisfy all the mentioned skills namely history of the object . Why, how it was made. Its performance ,its unique selling points and price.

I was all excited to take part cuz its one of the premiere meets of the month. I found out from the guest list.It had quite a few CEO's and COO's of the top MNC's.

At the session:

I was in an illusion that it is going to be the most informal networking session. To the contrast,the room was terrifically charged up with the professionals. I found first few rows filled with all those people dressed in suit and a decent tie.
I already submitted my idea online .After seeing the atmosphere I really don’t want to fool myself .Wanted to take back my participation. But I have no such chance. My name and my slot were already frozen for the competition by then and the show began.
People have come up with quite some interesting descriptions of their objects.
Finally it was my turn; I stumbled and mumbled but haa…I had no option other than fronting them.
Probably few are the CEO’s of the top MNC’s. No chance to step back as I am already there.
The host announces your 2 mins starts now…
Without any eye contact, looking at the roof, I started off :

My object is a robot with life. It can be anything you want based on the situation. It has life but no muscle or flesh or blood.
Unique features are:


Lightning speed
Sharper
 Uniquely innovative  product with complex technology of Biotechnology and Complex computing algorithms. A pinch of innovation is from the robotics.
Very adaptable to moods and hence it runs on Telepathy too.


History:


It was hard to name it, so I call him veeru, not that Jay is his friend or clone but he was born for the sound of Jai Hind. He was delivered via C-Section and it was performed by him. Cloning technology, you see. Baby Veeru didn’t eat nestle mashed foods. He crushed his own apples. That independent he was.
 As a teenager, for his glamour, veeru never used braces.Truly Independent. He straightened his teeth with his tongue.
 He uses lawn mower to shave.
 His least achievement was winning the Delhi marathon. He started in Hyderabad. 
When he wants ice, it makes it hail. That’s his go-getter attitude.
 When he wants a mobile phone, he carries around a cell tower. That how he does his homework well.
In any hard-hitting situation, he doesn’t need a gun because he can reach the enemy faster. He is such spontaneous. 
Let me tell you how experimenting he is .He will tell you if the oven is hot enough by touching it.


He is gem at character too. He doesn't like to handle diamonds because he keeps accidentally crushing them. He can impregnate a woman on a long distance phone call. 
Snake bite is a common cause of death near Veeru’s house. He bites a lot of snakes.
His last stay was in zoo .In their desert survival classes; Mountain lions learn how to identify Veeru.
Well, the reason for it to design is to make life at its simplest and also a moral lesson for all human beings too.


How do I sell it ?


Well…its track record speaks it all.Do I havvve to say anything ?*Chuckles*


Is it costly ?


It’s a life time investment. It costs less than any minimal electronic good. Also it is tailor made.Hence,price is quoted accordingly.
And hence its Veeru ka jaadu…Jay ko jayahoo…

I know I literally made the possible mockery of myself. But really, can you imagine I had audience for this session too.
A gentleman in the first row raised his hand to ask .His tone was really soft and he sounded inquisitive. What technology is it made of? I understand a blend of  biotechnology, telepathy and all.Could you elaborateit in simple terms for the commoner's like me?

I couldn’t resist but say it runs on Rajni Kanth technology.

Trust me I never knew I was this entertaining  in a crowd of nerds too.
Eventually ,I won the session too. Silly people, I tell you !!

Hello Madamji! Smile karna mana hai

I didn’t do anything outlandish but that guy completely froze in his tracks. He looked at me in skepticism. My eyes glittered and smile just could not stop reaching my lips. Yet again I covered it with the bag I was holding. I am sure he must have concluded I was a plump mutant with extra face muscles enabling me to exert a smile. I never knew smiling at your EX is a strict no-no.

It’s already been a year and half we spoke, you did harm and I did what I could do. Damage is for the both then why still burning with the grudge .I seriously don’t get that point. Well, I just smiled in shock, surprise and happiness all that I had with that person. Year and half is not less to forgive the little harm and cherish the good times. And very soon after that I realized that such rule doesn’t apply when EX- friends encounter each other and when you know both have the same destination. We don’t smile at each other. I never understood why we approach each other with warning. I think we firmly believe that who smile at you are sales persons or gay (/lesbian) or both.

Then I got into the bus to locate my reserved place and settled happily there. Under the flickering light, I really did not feel like reading .I looked from the wink of my eye to check him out. Nah...I really didn’t wanna make it obvious. So I picked up the sticky note pad and started writing.

Where ever you stay and after how long you come across your EX and this is what you need to do: 

1. Under no circumstances make an eye contact. 

2. Pretend he is transparent and look through him. In the unthinkable event that you actually made eye contact, give him the “are you trying to steal my virginity” look.
3. If the other person stretches his lips into an expression unbeknownst to you, look at him as if he were an alien with a foot-long nose hair.
If at all your EX is a woman, the situation is worse. She will reflexively respond with a frown. It is somehow worked into the belief system that if she doesn’t frown back, it would be taken as an invitation to hit on them back.

One day, two of my friends who dated came to visit me at the same time. I was supposedly not in the room as I went to fetch some water for both of them. The gal walked straight to the water cooler. He said, “It’s unusually warm, isn’t it?” Just to make a simple conversation. She perked up and looked at me with shock, as if the question had the connotation of a mating call in the culture she grew up in. A range of expressions ran in her face. Shock, bewilderment, fear, oh-my-god-he-is-going-to-rape-me fear, disgust and frown. She gurgled yes and scrammed from there.

Well, the whole funda of writing this is IAM BORED sitting in this bus and adding kilos to my bum and cherishing all the events happened over this bus ride in last few months and also remembering my first EX-FRIEND who introduced MAHARAJA CHAAT BHANDAR to me, the one who showed me real Hyderabad from GACHIBOWLI to OLD CITY. I miss u for all those good times.