Hello Madamji! Smile karna mana hai

I didn’t do anything outlandish but that guy completely froze in his tracks. He looked at me in skepticism. My eyes glittered and smile just could not stop reaching my lips. Yet again I covered it with the bag I was holding. I am sure he must have concluded I was a plump mutant with extra face muscles enabling me to exert a smile. I never knew smiling at your EX is a strict no-no.

It’s already been a year and half we spoke, you did harm and I did what I could do. Damage is for the both then why still burning with the grudge .I seriously don’t get that point. Well, I just smiled in shock, surprise and happiness all that I had with that person. Year and half is not less to forgive the little harm and cherish the good times. And very soon after that I realized that such rule doesn’t apply when EX- friends encounter each other and when you know both have the same destination. We don’t smile at each other. I never understood why we approach each other with warning. I think we firmly believe that who smile at you are sales persons or gay (/lesbian) or both.

Then I got into the bus to locate my reserved place and settled happily there. Under the flickering light, I really did not feel like reading .I looked from the wink of my eye to check him out. Nah...I really didn’t wanna make it obvious. So I picked up the sticky note pad and started writing.

Where ever you stay and after how long you come across your EX and this is what you need to do: 

1. Under no circumstances make an eye contact. 

2. Pretend he is transparent and look through him. In the unthinkable event that you actually made eye contact, give him the “are you trying to steal my virginity” look.
3. If the other person stretches his lips into an expression unbeknownst to you, look at him as if he were an alien with a foot-long nose hair.
If at all your EX is a woman, the situation is worse. She will reflexively respond with a frown. It is somehow worked into the belief system that if she doesn’t frown back, it would be taken as an invitation to hit on them back.

One day, two of my friends who dated came to visit me at the same time. I was supposedly not in the room as I went to fetch some water for both of them. The gal walked straight to the water cooler. He said, “It’s unusually warm, isn’t it?” Just to make a simple conversation. She perked up and looked at me with shock, as if the question had the connotation of a mating call in the culture she grew up in. A range of expressions ran in her face. Shock, bewilderment, fear, oh-my-god-he-is-going-to-rape-me fear, disgust and frown. She gurgled yes and scrammed from there.

Well, the whole funda of writing this is IAM BORED sitting in this bus and adding kilos to my bum and cherishing all the events happened over this bus ride in last few months and also remembering my first EX-FRIEND who introduced MAHARAJA CHAAT BHANDAR to me, the one who showed me real Hyderabad from GACHIBOWLI to OLD CITY. I miss u for all those good times.

Hum kisise kam nahi ..

First thing Hyderabadis are known for is their DUM-KA-BIRYANI but forget not their masha Allah Hindi...
They are more amusing than any... Trust me, not even the zoo …

Here go few of them :-)

An archetypal daily practiced conduct:

• He goes to gas station to fill and says "Paanch point single oil daalo". 
• He says "Abbi aatau miyaa" and vanishes for couple of hours or does not come back at all. 
• He sleeps around 1 am and wakes only after 9:30 am. 
• He drinks half cup of tea at least 6 times and buys only 1 gold flake cigarette. 

And mention not their eating habits:

• If they do not eat rice at least once a day they will die. 
• For them the only good dishes on earth are Hyderabadi biryani, Nahari, Haleem, Khatti daal, Tamataun ka saalan, Bhendi ka sherwa, Dhai ki kadi, Paalak ki bhaaji, Aaloo baigan, Gawaar ki phalli, Kheema aloo methi. Khaagina, Khichdi,Boti ka saalan, Khadi daal, Bagaara khaana daalcha,Mirchiyaa bhajiye,Khubaani ka mittha, Kaddu ki kheer and Fruit salad . 

Once in a week he will visit Alhamdulillah, Bismillah to eat Kalyaani biryani.

Best places for hangouts are irani café (any branch) . Mention not their hygiene. They have more relatives than the piercing houseflies around to squeeze each other.

New Generation (Males):

• 2 out of 3 are Sharukh, Amir or Salman Khan.He feels offended if someone looks at him "Kaiku ghoorra miya??" 
• They only want to become Engineer, Doctor or MBA. 
• For most of them US visa is a dream and Saudi visa a blessing. 
• Most of the boys spend their precious time at "gali ke nukkad pe", "chabootre pe", "hotelon mein", girls college, playing billiards, chatting on internet, teasing girls, changing mobile phones and spend their parents hard earned money. 
• "Her ladke ki Amrika ki koshish chalte rehti aur side mein Landan ki bhi ya phir Bhaunai Saudi se visa bhejne waale rehte". 

New Generation (Females):

• If she is not studying at "St Ann’s or Vijay Marie" then she is not studying at all, Shadaan College is a compromise. 
• Stanley is the only school and college for girls from Old city. 
• Begums is the most preferred beauty parlor. 
• Most of them would not like to wear sharaara for the second time, “Her shaadi mein nayaa sharaara chaahiye". 
• Most of them say" Main kapde sirf Neerus OR Meena bazaar se hi leti hun". 
• Par actually shopping means only "chudi " @ old city . 

Par kambakth … kabhi kapde hi nahi dekte.. 

Finding a Match (Ladke waale):

All most all the cases are dealt by Marriage Bureau.
A team of a dozen goes to see the girl (to eat pastries, bananas, fruit biscuits)
When they return home after seeing the girl, someone from the family says"badi se manjli ke aankh naak ache hai nai".
Her kisi ko gori ladki chahiye,if they want to reject they say" Ladki ka khad aur rang kam hai,hamare bachhe ki height achi hai"(5'6").
They say "Ladke ku family visa bhi hai",even if he makes 3000 riyals and "Ladke ka kafeel bhaut acha hai,tanqaa badaataun bola shaadi ke baad"."Inter fail ladke ku bhi Graduate ladki honaa".

Finding a Match (Ladki waale):

Almost all ads say"Ladki soum aur salaah ki paaband hai" and "Shaadi mein jaldi hai, ladki ke bhai baaher se aaye hue hai".
Advertisements sometimes clearly mention"Ladke ku kaarobaar bhi lagaa ke denge" or "Azad visa bhi denge" or "Ladki ke naam pe jaaydaad hai" (500 gaz ka plot,makaan ya phir flat).
Hyderabadi parents only look for US/Canadian Immigrants or Gulf settled - Deen ki nisbat pe rishte karne waale aaj kal bahut kam honge.

Finally Shaadi ke Din....... 
If there is no dinner a lot of them are disappointed, they say "Kya jaate miya gaadi ka kiraya daal ke,kheench nai hai".

Many still take “Jode ki rakham" and if you ask Dulhe raja he will say "Mereku nai maloom,Ammi Abba baat karliye,main toh nakko bola sheikh".

These days nikaah takes place at masjid but the jahez(dowry) reaches grooms home late night when neighbors are in deep in sleep.

Invitations clearly mention that nikaah is at 7pm but Dulhe raja arrives at 8:30 pm,9 pm,9:30 pm and soon after nikaah people are desperately waiting for someone to announce "Aaiiye" (call for dinner).

They are crazy about chicken"Poori dish undal lete mauka mile to".

Pehle Haleem khaate fir chicken fir biryani fir chicken aur fir chicken fir qubani ka mittha fir kaddu ki kheer aur fir aakhri mein he puts some dahi ki chatni on his palm and starts licking it.

When he is done with food he needs a cigarette and then the discussion on the quality of food starts.

Hyderabadis in Gulf:

Ek doosre ki taang kheechte rehte wahan per.

Nayaa nayaa jo bhi aata usko bolte"Kaiku aaye miya,kya hai yaan pe,sab khatam hogaya,sirf khurchan baaqi hai (Lower level of cooked rice),

waipe kuch bhi kerlena tha".

PS: Mind you, I’m neither a critic nor trying to discriminate; I not only love Hyderabad but also the Hyderabadis.

When Sun went down on me ....

Before I could actually wake up, I was forced to wake up. Ask why? I was drenched in a pool of water that was stinking which can be statured to be Urine. At once, I feared it was mine. Nah...God showed mercy; it’s not mine... *satisfactory grin*. It’s my baby niece. Before I am well delighted, bacha kahan hain?

After a melodrama, we finally found her in my bean bag in my balcony sunk in my tee.

I freshened up to go for my gym class. Haan ji...Sunday ko bhi... Our weirdo gym gives us a holiday on Monday.

People call me living disaster. Wondered why, until my most obsessed gym owner  threw me out.

Walking or running on any moving surface, such as a treadmill, increases your chances for a crash and burn. Dynamic in iPods, water bottles and towels and you add more tasks and objects that interfere with your ability to walk straight.

Thoooooddd! Patttt ..putttt..

Don’t wonder about the 3 sounds. One -I fell, Two-I tore the next guy’s shirt while I was falling off, and  three -the hit the falling bottle in the trainer’s wrong place:-P

Before something more can happen, I decided to join the deadly quiet yoga class. You’re breathing; you’re downward dogging and - whoops - now someone farts. Even worse, it’s loud enough to rip the fabric of the space-time continuum. And swear...it wasn’t me. I will have my daily dose. I am fed with triphala churan:-P. But every one’s eyes were on me. Uff… how embarrassing I tell u…

Rushed back home to reframe the disaster. But that is my birth right u c... I hit an auto guy on my way back...Who doesn’t hesitate to use words like"baigan ke","Hau", "Nakko","Hallu" ,

"Bole to suno miyaa","Kaiku" and "Kate".

An other depressing episode …Some other time.

Then I actually was awaiting another disaster. I missed wishing my friend on his birthday @ 12. No wonder I had to take it all on my way back. For that I had to give the Hyderabad road attendant (Suppose to be the official vagabond) a donation of 2K as holiday bonus. Ha... unko general terms mein traffic police bolte hain.

If this was it, the ultimate travesty is yet to happen.

 I am out for lunch with my friends and my mom calls me up while she was shopping out. My bloody phone exceptionally in its ICU condition, works only on speaker. There my mom screams at top of her vocal box, beta... Tera size kya hain?  …

After all, even my fate needs to make fun at least after this much of clowning. I sooner or later landed up in a sangeet party where a drunkard on his dannu comes ear-piercing probably at me, “basanti in kutton ke samne mat nachna”. People around tumbled and toppled for that. I was neither dressed up like basanti nor was bopping around. But whatever it was... Bhagwan , Life se Panga ho gaya :-P

Hyderabadis Driving to "SPIRIT"ulism

Hyderabad roads teach some lessons in spirituality like nothing else can. You are lucky if you stay alive to learn it all.

Through millennia, India has been a magnet for many people across the globe in pursuit of mysticism, people who risked life and limb, crossed oceans and mountains to come and sit at the feet of enlightened masters. While meditation and yoga are two of the many paths to high consciousness, and while Hyderabad roads have the power to drive you over edge literally.

For starters, you should be convinced that there has to be a higher force in the universe. No physical or natural law can explain why in a city with four million motor vehicles, with road users utterly lacking the self preservation instinct, or any respect for others' life or property, only four or five souls wander from the streets every day. Even the most die-hard atheist is likely to start believing there is some divine interpolation.

Theoretically only human beings can have driving licenses. However, in Hyderabad, I wonder if that is true. Are bus drivers’ androids or terrorists or a unique species? Painted on the outside of each bus is the legend: “Propelled by Clean Fuel”. What is not painted is: “Driven by demonic fury”. The battered condition of these buses would convince even a dodo that they cannot be controlled mechanically. They must be controlled through psycho kinesis.. Their daily prayer seems to be: “Oh Lord, give me this day my daily victim, but deliver me from prosecution!” From a spiritual perspective, this teaches you about paradoxes. Life is full of them. Probably the most recognized is the paradox of good and evil. Some human beings are good, some are evil. Most of us are somewhere in between. This is the basic stuff of life.

Some schools of spirituality believe that if you are not always stretching yourselves to the limit, then you are not evolving as human beings. Motorcyclists are hardcore adherents of this school. Like moths, who hurl themselves into flames, they hurl themselves before cars, buses and trucks. Bikers are automatically enrolled in a secret society the objectives of which include running through red lights, cutting across several lanes in front of hurtling traffic, and tempting death as frequently as possible. Like trapeze artists, their aim is to tempt fate but not let the soul separate from the body. But the eternal wheel of life necessitates that some will. Darting through traffic, hitting wing mirrors of as many cars as possible, fatalists one and all, they risk anything to gain that split second advantage. Proving the primacy of mind over matter is important for spiritual development.

Inculcating humility is essential to spiritual growth. However, if one didn't encounter arrogance how would one recognize humility? To teach us humility we have the call centre cab drivers. They are easily recognizable by their battered white Qualises, Taveras and indicas with yellow plates, usually bearing AP and TR numbers. Most of them also fashion their looks after Bollywood villains. Unmindful of minor irritants like traffic rules, they go haring around the city scraping cars and anything else that comes in their way. They are true spiritual masters because they put the fear of God into people.

Spiritual teaching is also imparted by three-wheeler drivers. Their chariots are painted yellow. But their friendliness is limited to their color. They also have a secret society with some immutable rules. One, you must not drive in one lane, always straddle two. Second, you must not allow anybody to overtake you. Three, you must turn around suddenly, and frequently, in the middle of the busiest road without first looking to see if there is any traffic behind you. Four, you must drive with only one hand (the one on the accelerator) and one foot, the other one is usually tucked under your bum (a new asana?). Five, you must overcharge. Six, thou shall resist going to the destination of the passenger. Seven, you must park three or four abreast on busy roads.

Their rear view mirrors are pointed inwards towards themselves: “Know you”, our scriptures remind us! Their ear-shattering engines, and blaring Bollywood music, drown out all other road sounds including the warning horns of other road users. Oblivious of everything except potential passengers, they believe that what they don't see does not exist. Woe betides anybody who comes in their way. They teach us serenity. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.



Have you learnt anything more..??? Do share it across to me-)