Crush to Crash yet I flow in that cloud as a clown!

That is why they are called Crushes .They would have been called something else if it was that easy! 

Whenever I see him walking through the door, all I wish is why won’t he look across the floor! I wish I could tell him feels like you were being pressed against the wall tightly for continuous 48 hrs or more....ok crap I did not get better analogy. Oh yeah wait …it feels like getting chocked by the PROMETHEUS‘s alien baby!

His just the occasional smile in the foyer or elevator always appears to me like a drop of dew in the deserted alien world. Although he is the archetype for the old socialist-journalist-rebel-evangelists – replete with loose male checked shirts and baggy ill-fitting trousers - right up to spectacles strung around the neck (the sort they used to depict in old arty movies), still he is smart in his own way and I like it <3!
When I see him smile and know that it is not for me that is when I miss being me the most.Well as the old saying goes,” lucky things always do not come with attractive packaging”, no wonder it is the crush to heart!

I am a senior here is my work place and he is temporary...how does it work? I know no one is here for long but still …I still can’t be out bursting my feeling!

Well… here is my crush to crash and do not complain that I am a “Dil Thodne ka Machine “ . Even I have mild crashes. :-)

True love stories never have ending and never have solid beginnings too !It just flows with the wind!

Pune Saga

Finally the saga ends after a solid 2 week torture of Sleepless nights, haunting, evil faces and vampire smiles. Whether the biryani or the bomb blasts; you can’t take away the spirit of Hyderabad from a Hyderabadi. Brought up in a suburb in Hyderabad, the city has surely molded and added its touch to my personality. I should surely tell this, once you live in Hyderabad, you cannot live elsewhere in the world.

PUNE… pune…poooonaaa… whatever it is…..!

Pune, albeit known for its wonderful weather, is a disaster in summers. The dry weather where the sun not only pulls your cheeks from both sides (as if tearing them apart), but also drains every drop out of your system. One can hardly step out after 10am right up to around 4pm when the sun slowly sets.

Traffic….Every second person beyond the age of 18 was on two-wheelers. Every second driver resembled a terrorist with their faces covered beyond recognition, with only their eyes exposed (that too covered with sunglasses). And since I didn’t own a bike there, I was confident of my walking skills, of course, underestimating the severity of the sun above. Barely had I walked 10 minutes (that too at around 11am), with nothing covering my head or face except sunglasses, everything seemed to be going round and round and I had to hail a rickshaw to get me to my destination, which was just 2 lanes away.

The rickshaws in Pune are another story altogether .I would definitely want to write on the ‘Rickshaw-wallas in Pune’ (of course with all the hatred I can muster). The meter system in Pune is ridiculously over-priced as compared to Hyderabad, so for short distances you land up paying almost 2 ½ times that of Hyderabad. And after 8pm, it is a dream if you get a rickshaw anywhere within 5 minutes of stepping out. Rickshaws are there on the road but they flatly refuse to come to where you want to go or ask for Rs. 20 or 30 more than the meter (which is anyway- overpriced). The calculation for the meter is another story of its kind, where you have to multiply the number with 6 and add 2 to get the price you have to pay the rickshaw fellow. The math wizard that I am, had I sat calculating the fare, I could have gone and come back thrice in that much time.

The second difficult aspect in Pune was getting used to the ‘Shuddha Marathi’ here. I kept fumbling for words and then either shifted to English or Hindi. The ‘cha’ of the ‘Chandani Chowk’ or the ‘pha’ being different from the ‘fa’, I had to mark each of my words so that I didn’t goof up on the meanings or pronunciations.

The third and the most difficult thing of Pune was the mentality of the people here. The transportation charges were double than that of Hyderabad but Pune is yet different from Hyderabad. The Puneris, who wouldn’t think twice while watching a movie in a multiplex, would think five times over silly things like paying teachers their due for private classes. They would want everything at their doorstep at prices so low, that they probably won’t pay their maid servants that less. Now y did I ever mention about a maid?? Yeah I overheard that ….

Pune, in spite of all its differences, has a lot that I won’t get in Hyderabad. The superb weather (except in summer) all the time so pleasant that you don’t have to bother about the sweat marks showing on your clothes when you go out. The pace of life in Pune is another wonderful aspect that I love this city for. People here have a life beyond work, where they come in the evenings and either go for walks or just laze around at home, whereas in Hyderabad, you spend half your time travelling long distances, thus making it so fast paced that you crave for a break very soon. Shopping and night life is just tooo awesome!!Every city has its ups and downs, I might yet be very partial to Hyderabad. Bye Bye Pune….

Hyderabadddddd……here I come !!! I feels like a lost friend reunion after 20 long years!!!

Jay -Veeru and my story

Well, yes I had been away for a while from blogging. Was busy catching up the year-end work pressures and busy attending knowledge sharing sessions across the city. Here I write about one of the funniest sessions I ever had. In fact ,recovering from the last session I had.
There was this interesting “Out of the box “theme going on the previous week with one of the clubs I visit. We were asked to come up with something non- existing yet virtually possible.And we were given few questionnaire too so that the object needs to satisfy all the mentioned skills namely history of the object . Why, how it was made. Its performance ,its unique selling points and price.

I was all excited to take part cuz its one of the premiere meets of the month. I found out from the guest list.It had quite a few CEO's and COO's of the top MNC's.

At the session:

I was in an illusion that it is going to be the most informal networking session. To the contrast,the room was terrifically charged up with the professionals. I found first few rows filled with all those people dressed in suit and a decent tie.
I already submitted my idea online .After seeing the atmosphere I really don’t want to fool myself .Wanted to take back my participation. But I have no such chance. My name and my slot were already frozen for the competition by then and the show began.
People have come up with quite some interesting descriptions of their objects.
Finally it was my turn; I stumbled and mumbled but haa…I had no option other than fronting them.
Probably few are the CEO’s of the top MNC’s. No chance to step back as I am already there.
The host announces your 2 mins starts now…
Without any eye contact, looking at the roof, I started off :

My object is a robot with life. It can be anything you want based on the situation. It has life but no muscle or flesh or blood.
Unique features are:


Lightning speed
Sharper
 Uniquely innovative  product with complex technology of Biotechnology and Complex computing algorithms. A pinch of innovation is from the robotics.
Very adaptable to moods and hence it runs on Telepathy too.


History:


It was hard to name it, so I call him veeru, not that Jay is his friend or clone but he was born for the sound of Jai Hind. He was delivered via C-Section and it was performed by him. Cloning technology, you see. Baby Veeru didn’t eat nestle mashed foods. He crushed his own apples. That independent he was.
 As a teenager, for his glamour, veeru never used braces.Truly Independent. He straightened his teeth with his tongue.
 He uses lawn mower to shave.
 His least achievement was winning the Delhi marathon. He started in Hyderabad. 
When he wants ice, it makes it hail. That’s his go-getter attitude.
 When he wants a mobile phone, he carries around a cell tower. That how he does his homework well.
In any hard-hitting situation, he doesn’t need a gun because he can reach the enemy faster. He is such spontaneous. 
Let me tell you how experimenting he is .He will tell you if the oven is hot enough by touching it.


He is gem at character too. He doesn't like to handle diamonds because he keeps accidentally crushing them. He can impregnate a woman on a long distance phone call. 
Snake bite is a common cause of death near Veeru’s house. He bites a lot of snakes.
His last stay was in zoo .In their desert survival classes; Mountain lions learn how to identify Veeru.
Well, the reason for it to design is to make life at its simplest and also a moral lesson for all human beings too.


How do I sell it ?


Well…its track record speaks it all.Do I havvve to say anything ?*Chuckles*


Is it costly ?


It’s a life time investment. It costs less than any minimal electronic good. Also it is tailor made.Hence,price is quoted accordingly.
And hence its Veeru ka jaadu…Jay ko jayahoo…

I know I literally made the possible mockery of myself. But really, can you imagine I had audience for this session too.
A gentleman in the first row raised his hand to ask .His tone was really soft and he sounded inquisitive. What technology is it made of? I understand a blend of  biotechnology, telepathy and all.Could you elaborateit in simple terms for the commoner's like me?

I couldn’t resist but say it runs on Rajni Kanth technology.

Trust me I never knew I was this entertaining  in a crowd of nerds too.
Eventually ,I won the session too. Silly people, I tell you !!

Hello Madamji! Smile karna mana hai

I didn’t do anything outlandish but that guy completely froze in his tracks. He looked at me in skepticism. My eyes glittered and smile just could not stop reaching my lips. Yet again I covered it with the bag I was holding. I am sure he must have concluded I was a plump mutant with extra face muscles enabling me to exert a smile. I never knew smiling at your EX is a strict no-no.

It’s already been a year and half we spoke, you did harm and I did what I could do. Damage is for the both then why still burning with the grudge .I seriously don’t get that point. Well, I just smiled in shock, surprise and happiness all that I had with that person. Year and half is not less to forgive the little harm and cherish the good times. And very soon after that I realized that such rule doesn’t apply when EX- friends encounter each other and when you know both have the same destination. We don’t smile at each other. I never understood why we approach each other with warning. I think we firmly believe that who smile at you are sales persons or gay (/lesbian) or both.

Then I got into the bus to locate my reserved place and settled happily there. Under the flickering light, I really did not feel like reading .I looked from the wink of my eye to check him out. Nah...I really didn’t wanna make it obvious. So I picked up the sticky note pad and started writing.

Where ever you stay and after how long you come across your EX and this is what you need to do: 

1. Under no circumstances make an eye contact. 

2. Pretend he is transparent and look through him. In the unthinkable event that you actually made eye contact, give him the “are you trying to steal my virginity” look.
3. If the other person stretches his lips into an expression unbeknownst to you, look at him as if he were an alien with a foot-long nose hair.
If at all your EX is a woman, the situation is worse. She will reflexively respond with a frown. It is somehow worked into the belief system that if she doesn’t frown back, it would be taken as an invitation to hit on them back.

One day, two of my friends who dated came to visit me at the same time. I was supposedly not in the room as I went to fetch some water for both of them. The gal walked straight to the water cooler. He said, “It’s unusually warm, isn’t it?” Just to make a simple conversation. She perked up and looked at me with shock, as if the question had the connotation of a mating call in the culture she grew up in. A range of expressions ran in her face. Shock, bewilderment, fear, oh-my-god-he-is-going-to-rape-me fear, disgust and frown. She gurgled yes and scrammed from there.

Well, the whole funda of writing this is IAM BORED sitting in this bus and adding kilos to my bum and cherishing all the events happened over this bus ride in last few months and also remembering my first EX-FRIEND who introduced MAHARAJA CHAAT BHANDAR to me, the one who showed me real Hyderabad from GACHIBOWLI to OLD CITY. I miss u for all those good times.

Ra-One liked by No-one

 Dear SRK,

 Your latest film (even taking its name makes me asphyxiated) couldn’t have come at a better time and ironically, exactly 16 years after a film like DDLJ.
But no matter how big superstar you are or how many cricket tea...ms, penthouses, beaches, you own or how many things you sell to me daily in name of Ra-one publicity ,you have NO right to spoil my Diwali and its weekend by your utterly ridiculous film. You come in same category as of politicians who think that Indians can be fooled by any of their frivolity.
Can you explain me some of the following points-:
Have you ever seen a Tamil eating noodle with curd and that too in such a disgusting way as you portrayed.  I totally accept that due to your acting inabilities except your frequent aiyyo’s you weren’t a Tamilian in any sense.Infact you have been a TALIBAN of our southies lives.  But where is your common sense, you were a highly educated computer programmer and still teaching your wife Tamil abuses, singing non-melodious songs, copying Michael Jackson steps (at least let him rest in peace), quarrelling with you son (who by the way was much more matured than you) and above all cracking below the belt jokes which were not funny what so ever. You couldn’t have been worst!!
Your beloved and feministic wife is doing a thesis on abuses and developing new abuses like chacha ka chopda, baap ka bhochda because she thinks every abuse starts with maa and behen and the worst part is you are helping her in the same (seems only literature which can get noble!!). And I can’t get why she has such an affinity for ‘main’ part which remains quite evident during whole of the film. And please do check her academic qualifications as she was unable to speak small words like kunjam kunjam and instead saying ‘condom condom’ (I think there lies best part of your film, at least you promoted safe sex and family planning).
There is a game you have developed with artificial intelligence (oh my god!) which turns itself into a super villain. Although, I, myself have a considerable doubt on my engineering skills but still how can a software convert itself into hardware and that too just by entering into a suit(see I am not even able to write it and you have shown it with such a shamelessness).
Then suddenly you die and though you are a Subramaniyam you are buried with Christian rituals (as though London doesn’t have even a single cremation ground) leave the rain which ought to have come as it comes in every Bollywood movie as soon as somebody dies. And though your wife was crying it was not at all emotional at your burial.
Next she decides to go back to India (yey! Finally movie returns home) with your son who is completely unfazed by your death (kudos!!) and trying to solve mystery of your death and in the process gives life to the worst superhero ever G-ONE (rather blue eyed monster would have been apt).which is again you in a new avatar but with same acting inabilities.

You save them once from RA-ONE and decide to go with them to India; here again comes all those vulgar and obscene jokes, gay character that pushes you to drop your clothes one by one (uff!! Everybody in the audience should be awarded red and white bravery award for tolerating that scene).And once when you reach India comes the local goondas, teases your beautiful lady and you fight with them. Meanwhile she is laughing, shouting (how can I forget her expression when you touch her bosoms!!) forgetting that just 2 scenes before her husband had died even a pet’s death require more mourning than that.Ha! And how can I forget your encounter with one and only Chitti (of ‘Robot’) which even dwarfed you further in front of THE RAJNIKANTH.
At your old home in India your child is busy playing videogames as if he never had a father again uttering condom condom(again a deed done for social welfare!!) while G-ONE is doing some obscene gestures which your wife describes as power yoga to her sexually frustrated neighbor( oh! Again Mr. Satish Shah you have been such a waste).
G-ONE celebrating karva chauth with your widow, singing chammak challo with naval revealing red sari claded widow of yours(why don’t you restrict yourself for making music videos only) and so many other such points of denouement makes your film a cult classic.
Even your fight with RA-ONE was so childish reminding me of the videogame “tekken-3’ which I used to play in my childhood, and he dies so easily without giving any adrenaline rush. At least you should have given us one chance to think that you are a superhero.


There are infinite such moments in your film which had made me guilty conscious of spending Rs 150 on such an act which epitomizes the foolishness of our film industry. I heard you spent 140 crores on the film, if you would have spent even 1 percent of it on the script and screenplay, I would have written something more creative and might be little bit sensible.
Tell me Mr. Shahrukh Khan, am I really a fool??
P.S- only relieving moment in the film is the song dildara.
P.P.S- as Arjun Rampal says in film, hum ravan ko har saal isliye jalate hain kyunki woh kabhi nahi marta.Same goes with you, tum har saal aisi filmein isliye banate ho kyunki tumhara paison se pet kabhi nahi bharta.


And finally , allow me to quote my self ,Mr. Shahrukh Khan ek hadh hoti hai aur uske aage badh hoti hai…aaj tumne who bhi paar kar di…

And the live coverage of Ra-one J

1: Govt also declared 26th Oct as public holiday to celebrate the end of Ra1 promotions ...!


2: Govt of India just announced Rs 50,000 relief to all those who watched RA1 . Rs.25,000 for those who left atinterval .


3: Breaking News...! Crocin, Disprin, Combiflam, Adol Panadol, Diclomol and all Headache Tablets Stock over after RA.ONE's release


4: Salman to SRK after watching Ra.One,"Mujh par ekehsaan karna, dubara aisi movie mat banana"


5: Rahul Gandhi to meet people affected after seeing Ra.One.


6: Even Ra.mu doesn't wanna waste time by watchin Ra.one...!


7: Nahi chala RA.ONE...! Ab SRKbolega buy one get one aur ek week ke baad bolega, RA.ONE coming soon on Sahara.One and Star.one.


8: All bachelors must see Ra.One to understand what PAIN means to married men.


9: Ra.One gives more pain than a wife - HARD TO BELIVE BUT TRUE.


10: Get RA.ONE under Lokpal bill...! Put people behind bars who made such movie.


11: As SRK hates losing hates messages he is surely going to take a break from Twitter. Now v came 2 know why he joined Google+ before RA1 release.


12: wtf News 100 people committed mass suicided after watching Ra.one!

Even after sharing my all gyan to u.. u still wanna watch it .. bury ur brains in the safe vault at your homes and then walk up to theatres.You never know .. if you are lucky , we need not pay for it also

Sources: Adapted from Google!!