This incident happened sometime last year, and I still remember it vividly. Stupids are so hard to forget. It was supposed to be a surprise. Or a suspense. Whichever one wasn’t creepy.. I was supposed to present myself at the remote location in one hour in Bangalore. Yeah, right, I thought. With this traffic, I can make it just in time for a perfect sunset. Three in the afternoon on the roads of Bangalore is like being killed and transported to Hell and made to push a huge, heavy wheel for no apparent reason, with a red, pointy-tailed, French-bearded individual who laughed demonically for no reason and lashed you with a whip every now and then, with your sweat dripping off your face and crusts of dirt and tar sticking to every part of your face. Well, almost.
I thought I can still make it with an unwanted sarcasm-kicked philosopher who was supposedly my colleague. But when two
NORMAL people meet, we almost have a research guide to be administrated about people and their stupidity. Although I was quite disinterested at that point of time, but when it is about stupid I can’t deny my participation. U see, it’s easy to be dumb but not stupid! They amuse me!
K to me: “Do you know we have evolved into something resembling a cross between an upright chimp and a hairy stink ball? I’m not kidding.”
Me: Really ? hehe..
K: In fact I think everyone is. Have you counted the number of hairs on your body lately? You’ll be astonished. Well... it is different for gals. That’s why my thorough and fair research is mostly on men.
Anyway, when Charles Darwin wrote the ‘Origin Of species,’ he overlooked one major fact – The Stupidity Index. ‘The Stupidity Index,’ which explained why every single human being alive today is as stupid as a doorknob (in other words Dakkan). People who don’t agree to this fact are living in denial.
The scale is from 0 to 5, where 0 is the least stupid and 5 is the most stupid.
Then he takes out his neat clear paper from the file and tables it down with his explanations.
Although I am sure about the parameters he is considering but my gut feeling is this guy is no less to A and apparently …it is so much of astonishment to be with people of same league.
The scale is explained thus:
Me: ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING. Lets try it on na ! How it works ...
While we waited for more than ten minutes at a junction where a truck was stranded in the middle of the road with two-wheelers peppered around it like seasoning on a horrendous Christmas dish.
Before we could assess their stupidity rate,“Hey Sandiee,” said the idiot over the phone.
“Hey dude,” I replied, silently wishing he’d never called. I hated this guy, and had tried to distance myself as much as possible from him. But, as you probably know, some people just don’t get it.
“Listen, this is important,” said the Stupid. “You need to be here! It’s urgent”
“Whoa!” I said. “If you remember we are in Bangalore? I’m not trying to relax at home but in my rickety car at a junction since an hour ”
No matter what I tried, he wouldn’t give in. I finally agreed to meet him.
It’s not that I’m an anti-social animal, I just hate this guy.
I called up the fellow and told him that I’d reached. It was two minutes to three. He came there two minutes later, running, and hot in the face. He’s a weird looking guy – tall, balding and a thin hairline mustache. And his eyes were a constant reminder of his inborn idiocy. He was always an idiot – slow to grasp things and concepts and slower to understand them. Now, he was working for a software company. God save software!
“Thanks for coming, gal!” he said.
“No problem,” I said. “Ok, what’s this all about?”
“Listen, I’m into a scheme where you can make lots of money in a week. Up to twenty thousand in a week! Are you interested?”
You can imagine what went through my brain. I looked around for a sizable stone to bash his head in, but refrained myself. Too many witnesses around. I could never make it look like a suicide.
“What?” I asked, incredulously.
“Yeah! This new company is giving away money, dude. I asked you to come here because I want you to attend a presentation, which the company is giving. They’ll explain exactly how you can make the money. It’s quite simple, dude. And I get a referral fee is you sign up.”
“What?” I asked again. I was beginning to eye some really nice stones.
“Yes,” he said. “Follow me.”
He led us to a hotel which was behind the Shopper’s Stop mall. Lots of people were hanging around the entrance. “These are all my colleagues,” he said.
“Ok,” I said. I was really annoyed now, as most of the people there had the same stupid look in their eyes. I wanted to run away from there as fast as I could. He led us into the hotel and into an air-conditioned conference room, where there was a long table, made of cheap woodwork to match with the cheapness of the wood-paneled walls. Lots of people were sitting around it and there was a white board on the far wall, with a guy standing in front of it.
I felt like the newest inductee into the Stupidity Club where their index of stupidity is still undefined.
