Today Rupee at its record lowest and petrol at its bumper
hike of 7.5 Rupees, I don’t think so life in India is easy being middle-class.
Rising prices. Sweatier traffic jams. Global warming. And then there is gold
thing which keeps gnawing away at us, ceaselessly, like a rat at a sack of
grain. Now don’t ask me whats with gold, durhhh! Woo atooth bandhan hai!
On other side media talking about how we choose
that-which-is-fun over that-which-is-good. Social-media over social service.
Junk food over vegetables. IPL over Tests. Katie Perry over Carnatic. Page 3
over the Editorials. “Oops pictures” over…you get the picture. All it would do in showing the government’s
glory in form of ads.
Ad One:
Wife: Baby, I am going out with my friends. I am taking your
car! Tum Bus yaa kisi aur ke saat chale jana plz.
Dramatic Husband: Bhool
na jaana, door na jaana, O jaane jaana
Wife in Excitement: Arey wah! Full mood mein Aare hoon… (Planting
a kiss on his face)
Husband: O jaane jaana, petrol ka bhoj math badana!
*chuckles*
Ad Two:
Mom (over phone to her son): Aaj papa car mein ghoome ne
lekar gaye!
Son: Arey wah mama! Woo kaise hua?
Mom: We saved all the money you sent in Kapil Chits to buy a
liter of petrol.
*I –want –to bang-my –head expression*
Ad Three:
Gal: Janu, aaj
long drive jaane ka mann karra hai !
Boy (in his mind): tujhe sambalna ek ferrari ko maintain karne
ke barabar hai! Upar se long drive poochri hai …Bagawan , aaj bacha le.. Mahine
ka aakri din.
Then he looks at a dramatic sales man of State bank of India
narrating
“Worried about the fuel hikes? We are here to support you
.We give loans for petrol too”.
*F***U M*** Expression*
Ad Four:
Manapuram Petrol- New Launch!
Now get cash by exchanging Petrol and make life easy!
Leader Actor of the region (in still): We stand for Manapuram,
Manapuram stands for you!
*rolling eyes*
Ok! The bottom line
is why the hell is the enlightenment not on selecting/ electing the right. I
strongly believe these following people should be in parliament.
1. Rajnikanth: Eternal favorite. Here is one person
who everyone in India, North or South, can agree that he is awesome. With Rajni,
we won’t need Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles, kingship and rupee at its
highest. Only he can tell the world “I will do what I say. I will also do what
I don’t say”, which is guaranteed to put the fear of God in those Godless Commies.
The fear of Rajni more precisely.
2. Arundhati Roy: I may be wrong but Ms.
Roy may have surrendered her Indian citizenship. Of course, metaphorically. So
she is definitely eligible for the post. A leading public intellectual and the
toast of the chattering classes, she would bring to the Presidential post the
same clarity of thought and pragmatism that she exhibits in her twelve-page
ramblings, which some believe is auto-generated from a dictionary of phrases
like “Hindu right wing” ” military-government-industry cabal” and “exploitation
of lower classes” and “Gandhi-ian with guns”, tracts of
such marvelous quality. Why not have Aliens vs Predators both
together, on the same side?
3. Mahesh Bhatt: Many pundits say that it is now
time to move on from 26/11 and reach out to Pakistan in the spirit of
Aman-Asha. I agree. The best way to do this would have been to make Kasab
President but then again since he is a Pakistani citizen, he perhaps is not
eligible. Sania-Bhabhi would also be a good candidate as an emblem of
cross-border bonhomie. But unfortunately she is below the age-threshold needed
to be President. Though one can argue that if “true” age is defined by how fit
and athletic one looks while moving, like say on a tennis court, then she
definitely would qualify to be a BJP leader. Which leaves us with Mahesh Bhatt,
who will be awesome in this context. Hell, he might even get Atif Aslam to sing
our national anthem, Rock-Sufi style. “ How advantageous”
4. Poonam Pandey: Comes with her own C-category security,
strong enough to bounce back any missiles from foreign countries. Truly a
commander-in-chief who shall lead from the front, enhanced as it is. One of the
complaints about the Presidency over the years is that often the citizens have
no idea as to what the President is doing. Poonam Pandey will rectify that by
supplying an over-dose of information, helped by her dedicated (im) plants in
the Press, who shall inform us, even when we do not want to know, every detail
about her daily activities.
5. NOT Sachin Tendulkar. I know many people want
Sachin to be the President. I certainly do not. First of all, his record of
“leading” the team is not that great. Second, it is said that when he performs
the team loses. So if he, as President gives a good speech, I am afraid the
county might get invaded. Lastly, the President comes with a fixed-term of
service. And Sachin, as we have seen of late, does not take kindly to
upper-time-limits being imposed on his tenure. Since “No one can tell Sachin to
step down” (Fundamental Axiom 1) and he might not want to either (Fundamental
Axiom 2), this might create some Idi-Aminish problems.
6. Myself: Yes. Me. First of all, I am a
minority candidate since I consider myself (like everybody does themselves) to
be in the 10% category of smart Indians that Justice Katju has defined. I like
to travel to foreign countries. I also like to host 7-course state dinners and
live in a big house. I can give speeches at will on various topics. After all I
blog, don’t I? What will I do if the country faces an emergency, which is when
the President is really needed, and I am called to make a critical decision?Do exactly what those in power in Delhi today do. Ask Madam.
Ok for now ! I will burg off to sell my Ferrari to get a
Hero Cycle!No wonder the monk who sold it first predicted this day :P
Jago India Jago! Go get a Hero before the steel rates
multiply.
Credits : Arnab Roy , Sandhya Datta and Google
