Words are a bit muffled, almost as if they are being placed under a pillow upon which sits a stupid, fat, smiling dog

My regular travels and hang outs with people has made me write this; my only way to vent out the true fascination for you all. Your behavior puzzles my little brain. Sometimes I stop gazing in daze at you all. It forces me to reconsider principles which I long believed to simply be beyond change.

First I would want to thank the wonderful species called BOYS.I swear, you are the most entertaining crowd I have even seen. But honestly I lay in all those doubts that have been troubling my otherwise peaceful existence.

1.       What is with all the pony tails? Genuinely. What makes you think that it looks good? Or are you trying to look creative? Or are all of you trying to show your metro sexuality or whatever it is that you must have read in ToI’s latest fashion advice column? Moment of honesty: It looks fuckin retarded. Really. And don’t even think of pulling out the head band. You are not Ronaldinho and you sure as fukin hell like the Chotta Bheem.

2.        Just a benefit of doubt.  Why do all of you purposely buy t-shirts one size small or are all of you particularly short of cash? Is there some sort of shortage of cloth in and around the country? I am sorry but I really do not want to see how cold you are feeling, if you know what I mean. And all you bulging biceps chappies better be it crappies, save it for the gym dude.

3.        What is it with the drinking in the car thingy? Not allowed to drink in front of mommy, are we? Heard about something which is commonly referred to as a “bar”? Well they exist, trust me: these perfectly legal (sometimes stinky) places where you can drink your way to full talli levels. Try it out for a change.

4.       Why is it that if I stare deep into your eyes [hypothetically] I find a deep cavern of mind-numbing dumbness? It is almost like looking into the eyes of a lab rat. I can actually see the brain [very, very basic model] crunching away squeaking with effort every time any non-monosyllabic word is uttered.

5.       Why do you open your mouths? Trust me, you would be far successful with the ladies if you just kept silent, pouted once in a while and maybe grunt a “yaa” every now and then.

6.       What is with the whole riding bikes while wearing chaddis thing? The ultimate [pronounced ulti-maaate yaar] is the boxer-baniyan combo where you get to see ample amounts of leg and chest/back hair.

Now, I come to those set of people who are called the baby –dolls, probably in the alien planet. Trust me; you gals are no less to be called elegant bear of THE BRAVE.I mean the mommy bear.

1.       What is with that hair? chidiya ka ghosla ?seriously . What’s with those retard colors on them? Ask me about it, you’re no close to that COOL look ah.

2.       Use stoles and clothes but not blankets. Spare it for home purpose.

3.       You eating junk is no amusement for people in and around 2 streets. So shut the fuckin drama of jumping, creeping and yelling.

4.       What do your bags contain? Really. Do you stomp the entire house into the bag and bring? Why are they so huge and heavier than u, li’l birds?

5.       What is the overflowing thick goo from your faces? Is it something to do for you good looking? Trust me; you guys look so vampire-ish that sometimes all of you together budge into my dreams.

Almost my every evening went spending with couples and for next few days till I am here, will be the same. So before I go meet few more, here is my open love for all you guys!

Yes. You, my dear couples!

Stop feeling sorry for me. Stop trying to set me up. If I need your assistance, I will ask. Promise.

Stop making out in front of me (pretty please?).

Stop looking so lovey dovey that it makes me want to puke.

Stop dressing alike. You have no idea how incestuous it really looks.

Stop using your precious nicknames in front of me. I really, really, really don’t wanna know what poochie woochie did to your goochi hoochie. I swear.

Stop inviting me to your meals. I don’t need no kebab to feel the haddi if you know what I mean. And last of all, stop sharing every fuckin detail of your lives with each other.Tell one of you something and get a response from the other! In fri'gin seconds.

What the bloody fuck man?