Who?

I was comatose and amorphic:

as a product of collected earth dust.
While I was yet unclear,
In the middle of my fixed demeanor,
There has been the voice of mine.
Of questions, not asked
Of the answers, not said
Of the Dreams, not dreamt
Those questions, answers and Dreams
She know them all, I WONDER how
And if I will ever know...
I am  just an appreciator of her grandeur.
As I am a miniature, 

Petite was my loft ladder,
To the art of creation of that
REVOLUTION

which she makes the move to live

the most mighty in HOLDING her with it.
But WHO IS SHE???

Is the glass half empty or half full??

After that Viral publicity of my boss , the next was "What do you think - PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT SESSION".

First of all, I can’t believe that I picked such a topic to blog about although I was hardly present in the session!! All the while I was trying to doze off  for the lullaby kinda speech ..but that's when it hit me....

I swear ..Bosses are born to catch us in the wrong time only...

Beeep !  my mobile rang  for a text ..." Sandie ! Are you taking down the MOM??Interesting Session , we should have acdraft as soon as this is done. "

Buddaaa saaala ...Personal writer samjake raka hai kya ?

Par likhu tho kya likhu ..I just heard the bottom line .. think hatke...

I was so restless sitting there as a swam in the group of monkeys ...Don't ask me the logic ..I am already sleepy ...

There I go with the draft ...

Disclaimer : Read it at your own discretion . 

I was in a crowd of 200 + whom i know them for their roles...

 So basically Attitude is not about whether the glass is half full or half empty, it’s about who is paying for the next round. Do not look for connectivity ..MOM doesn't give logic's...

Q. Is the glass half empty or half full??

•  The project manager says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. 
• The realist says the glass contains half the required amount of liquid for it to overflow.
• And the cynic… wonders who drank the other half. 
• The school teacher type Aunty next to me says it’s not about whether the glass is half empty or half full, it’s whether there is something in the glass at all.
• The professional trainer does not care if the glass is half full or half empty, he just knows that starting the discussion will give him ten minutes to figure out why his power point presentation is not working.
• The ground-down mother of a persistently demanding five-year-old , who sat 10 seats away from me says sweetheart it’s whatever you want it to be, just please let mummy have five minutes peace and quiet. 
• The consultant says let’s examine the question, prepare a strategy for an answer, and all for a daily rate of… 
• The inquisitive troublemaker wants to know what’s in the glass anyhow… and wants the rest of it.
• The new homebuilder sees the dirty glass, washes and dries it, then puts it away in a custom oak and etched glass cabinet that he built himself using only hand tools.
• The worrier frets that the remaining half will evaporate by next morning.
• The fanatic thinks the glass is completely full, even though it isn’t. 
• The entrepreneur sees the glass as undervalued by half its potential.
• The computer specialist says that next year the glass capacity will double, be half the price, but cost you 50% more for me to give you the answer. 
• The first engineer says the glass is over-designed for the quantity of water. 
• The second engineer says (when the half is tainted) he’s glad he put the other half in a redundant glass. 
• The computer programmer says the glass is full-empty.
• The Buddhist says don’t worry, remember the glass is already broken.
• The logician says that where the glass is in process of being filled then it is half full; where it is in the process of being emptied then it is half empty; and where its status in terms of being filled or emptied is unknown then the glass is one in which a boundary between liquid and gas lies exactly midway between the inside bottom and the upper rim, assuming that the glass has parallel sides and rests on a level surface, and where it does not then the liquid/gas boundary lies exactly midway between the upper and lower equal halves of the available total volume of said glass.
• The scientist says a guess based on a visual cue is inaccurate, so mark the glass at the bottom of the meniscus of the content, pour the content into a bigger glass; fill the empty glass with fresh content up to the mark; add the original content back in; if the combined content overflows the lip, the glass was more than half full; if it doesn’t reach the top, the glass was more than half empty; if it neither overflows nor fails to reach the top then it was either half-full or half-empty. Now what was the question again?
• The Dutchman would suggest to both pay for the glass and share the content. Then tells you he will have the bottom half.
• The personal coach knows that the glass goes from full to empty depending on the circumstances, and reminds the drinker that he can always fill the glass when he wishes.
• The grammarian says that while the terms half-full and half-empty are colloquially acceptable the glass can technically be neither since both full and empty are absolute states and therefore are incapable of being halved or modified in any way. 
• The auditor first checks whether the empty half is material and then designs the audit procedures to obtain sufficient evidence to conclude that the glass is indeed empty.
• The waiter will hurry to replace the glass with a full one. For him there are no doubts: the glass was empty when he took it away; it is full in the bill that he brings you.
• The magician will show you the glass with the full half at the top.
• The physician says that the glass is not empty at all – it is half-filled with water and half-filled with air – hence, fully filled on the whole!
• The musician says he/she is unimpressed with the promoter of the concert for not providing more alcohol.
• The ineffective organization would discuss the question during the board of directors meeting, convene a committee to research the problem, and assign tasks for a root cause analysis, usually without a complete explanation of the problem to those assigned the tasks. 
• The directors would consider the problem to be above the pay grade of those assigned root 

Actually ,the point is everyone is just thinking and few are just talking what others are thinking.. 

And poor souls like me were having their piece of lullaby but again bosses like you would never stop haunting..

Good luck ! Any doubts on it.. PLEASE DO NOT WRITE IT BACK TO ME...  

Unthankfully,

Sandie ... 

Innovation - Express yourselves differently !!

For readers  who haven't read the "Assessment or Assassination" , read that first to understand , what innovation I am talking about over here ...

I haven't told you what happened after my assessment, isn’t it?

Fortunately it well went despite my boss's novel idea for the change *rolling eyes *

 But not for all...
Few dejected souls are still there who couldn’t do anything for the innovative assessment apart from cribbing..
But there was one dare soul who jus did his ground –breaking after the assessment and here it goes this way …
A mail where the entire world is marked ....

Dear redacted/ Retard (take what you wanna take ),

How you haven't been fired by now is a massive mystery to, not just me, but many people. You probably belong in a psychiatric ward. If you didn't have such a constant negative impact on everyone around you I might just feel sorry for you. BUT, you've damaged too many people. You create a hostile work environment with your flashes of insane anger and passive (I hesitate to use the word passive...) aggressive behavior. Please, just leave and piss all over the deck at [REDACTED]'s again. Maybe [REDACTED] will help this time. Her childish, two-faced personality suits you quite well. The fact that you still have a job is also a massive failure by your department's leaders as well. I'd be ashamed of being such push-over’s who refuse to support good people if I were them. Quite ashamed.

Your ,

*&%^^%# ..(don't dare take my name )
If this is it..picture baaki hai mere dosth…*evil grin*

He did take the prints out of this …(mind u !from the office printer only )and distributed it in the entire campus putting up the BOSS picture.. and of course yaa..

*Maniacly laughing* ..he tells the world..this is called INNOVATION – Find different ways to express yourselves, buddies  !


DISCLAIMER: No offense for any of the bosses to whom I am related ..just appreciate the fiction :-P

Living Disasters !

Winters are really romantic! Especially for me ...the air seems brusque, frosty and stimulating. Visions of warm fires and steaming cups of creamy hot chocolate begin to swim in our heads. It is also the perfect time for snuggling. After all, what better way is there to keep warm than cozying up with our loved ones on a cold winter night? Forget the cozy part...cuz my bf and I share different time zones. But yeah finally as the holidays approach and the temperatures start to drop, romance inevitably begins to fill the air. And mine is unusual internet romance like KARAN JOHAR's movie… Don’t ask me about that dismal. Long story which is never ending…

Only good part is we are now getting entire nights to talk...yippee<3<3<3!!
But we are together nothing oddly immense happens but catastrophes are predictable …
Here are few , just for your General knowledge about us .
Disaster 1:

Last weekend, in the eve of Christmas I ,at my work place had a Karaoke night...
And since my bf is a music lover, I had my practice sessions with him over the Skype the entire week…
Next morning, when I woke up, I see a mail from him which was about a note that got stuck to his apartment door.

Here it goes…

Hey Man,

I know you and your girlfriend are in different time zones and I totally understand you have to talk to her EVERY NIGHT 2-4 AM, but could you please keep your voice down and may be use a head phone instead of speaker? It’s nice that your girl friend has a beautiful singing voice and plays awesome guitar but I really can’t appreciate her performance at this ungodly hour. I’ve been waken up three nights in a row by you guys and I sincerely hope it won’t turn into a full season of your personal Indian Idol Show .

Adapted from your words...

ABEY GADA…PLEASE USE A HEADPHONE!
Thank you,

Someone who only gets 4 hours of sleep these days!

Disaster two:

Forget not the fact that I mentioned about the virtual romance during the holidays. This is something that happened as we got lil naughty on a very cold evening.

I saw a sticky note lying on my lappy screen as I  switched on to check any updates from my bf as he had been travelling all the EUROPE without me:-(
I just returned from my tennis game and I see something like this:

Beta...My dear upcoming Sania Mirza…
Appreciate all your work outs!

Before you yell out... YES! YOUR LAPTOP HAS BEEN USED.
I couldn’t find my charger. Should I be SORRY about it?

PS: You should probably delete your history .Your dad would be shocked.
PPS: You know internet explorer has a mode for stuff like that, it’s called incognito mode, I think.

HAPPY VIEWING!*my smiles *
Lots of Love,

Your own mamma!!

So that why, we as a couple are always called living disasters!

What's your week ??

Sugar Doughnuts on a Sleepy Sunday
 Muffled laughter on an Early Monday
 Busy coffee on a rainy Tuesday
 Empty mailbox on a rotten Wednesday
 Little daisies on a sunny Thursday
 Stolen kisses on a purple Friday
 Shameless flirting on late Saturday
 These are the things that make my day

Assessment or Assassination

If beating the competition and snagging a job is one achievement then comes the time you have to undergo assessment. Well...I Donna what this fortune is called as, I need to undergo assessment every quarter. And my heart misses a beat every time I hear about that.

As usual I walked in at 9 AM and first thing in morning, was checking my mails. I stopped by a mail that’s written in bold and certainly a customized mail for the head of our division.

Hey Sandy,

Greetings!

People differ in their abilities and their aptitudes. There is always some difference between the quality and quantity of the same work on the same job being done by two different people. So why have monotonous appraisals for Employees every quarter? Here is something exciting in stock, let’s meet up over a coffee at 3 in my cabin.

See you around…

Firstly, Appraisal word itself freaked me out and to that he says something exciting... This is definitely something nasty for people like us…:-(

What a day? ;-(*&$%Q@....
Then my colleague pings me on communicator...

Sandy...Mail dekha aapne?
Me: haaan ji …It’s a missile...
V: The day I got in here, I felt as if I won the Olympics gold. But after the latest appraisal meeting …
Me: Yeah... Like Jordon …they speak only about weakness, errors and failures.
D: ha ha ha ..*evil smile* agar hike mila nahi tho mein resign karra hoon…
Me: pagal ho kya?
D: aarey meri amma… benefits of talking about resignation during appraisal is as follows…

1. In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.
In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.

2. In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.
During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn't meet the expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.

3. During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success.

4. There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.
There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after you put the resignation.

Me: sirji !! Enlightened … chalo let me go and face the battle.

Scene two:

I knocked and got into the cabin...
"Come come... come in , Young lady ...take Ur seat…"

It appeared as if I was being called for an aids test which came out negative and the doc preparing me for hope of survival...

"Hmm…. Here is the form and we will talk about it once you are done" 

Dude… which creation do you belong to? Paper … this is more like a board exam …
I opened to see what that is …

TO STAY HERE, CREATIVITY SHOULD BE THE DRIFTING POINT…

PROVE YOUR PROSPECT! 

(I could see his evil grinning face next to that) 

Q 1. If you were shrunk to the size of a pencil and put in a blender, how would you get out?
Me:By writing you off as an idiot for asking that.
I struck it off... hmm... err… I prefer a translation for this … 

Q2. Explain to me what has happened in this country during the last 10 years.
Me: probably prospective morons like you are born ….
Again I struck it off... I grew 10 years old and my mind 10 MHz faster... 

Q3. Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 how weird you are. 
Me: "I'm a 9. You're a 10." 

Well.. Be specific on your definition of weird..

Q4. Out of 25 horses, pick the fastest 3 horses. In each race, only 5 horses can run at the same time. What is the minimum number of races required?”
Me: …color really that flatters your eyes… (Bloody racist)

Q5.Given the numbers 1 to 1000, what is the minimum numbers guesses needed to find a specific number if you are given the hint 'higher' or 'lower' for each guesses you make.”
Me: ………………………………….!!!!*&$%$%#$?@#
Are you asking my weight ??

Q6.There are three boxes, one contains only apples, one contains only oranges, and one contains both apples and oranges. The boxes have been incorrectly labeled such that no label identifies the actual contents of the box it labels. Opening just one box, and without looking in the box, you take out one piece of fruit. By looking at the fruit, how can you immediately label all of the boxes correctly?”
Me: When I have apple... I don’t think of any other things….

Q7. What do wood and alcohol have in common? 
Me: They can both make my head hurt. Just like this meet.

I folded the paper and stared at him . He was like , So.. What do you think about it ? 

Well.. I just smiled agreeing to my colleague suggestion !!

SIN gazed on a Lonely Earth - SINGLE

Sometime it is really disaster to remain SINGLE…

Q. what is SINGLE?
 SINGLE: (a.) Not deceitful or artful; honest; sincere. (According to dictionary)(www.thinkexist.com)

But engineer’s definition (you know, I have to take care of my own occupation it is really mandatory for me to answer in that language.)
Single: a very disturbing state of girl/boy, in which (s) he has to show pair of teeth in front of everyone, to show that you are still happy with this status though you are not.

It is also a relationship status option in website “FACEBOOK”, which decides your profile visits if you are female and sometime it also decides your status in front of other one.

Single also means a SIN Gazed on Lonely Earth (I tried to make full form of SINGLE).
Well cut the crap, and coming to the point.

Yesterday I had a family get together. I went there since it is the best place in the town that serves awesome food. Since it was someone’s anniversary party, it is an overly crowed place with couples. There was no hard and fast rule to enter as a couple but even the cowkidaar bayya bhi looked at me as an offense walking alone.
Aquarian people are even choosy in these awkward situations too. Without an Option they cannot even go on to a floor, dining is a way too far to be imagined.But my sweet – but not so utterly sweet mom, found a potential guy for me there. It happened that rest of the evening I had to spend my valuable time with him. Lemme clear, spend here is to tail along with him on the dance floor and some couple games.

Although my nasty lioness inside is roaring, but I kept my manners saying Hi by extending my hand.

Namaste…! Is what the guy reacted…

Err… which century he belonged to? Girl like me... In sexy black sari… holding everyone’s eyes on her... she extends her hand... and this moron joins his hands? May be his way of impressing a gal…

Hesitantly we took our place in the centre of the hall...

This hungry hobo started pouncing on food ever since when the buffet began…

Now I am telling you this world is becoming crueler towards mushy singles. A waiter comes up to me and asked: “madam! A couple is standing there; can they join you, if you don’t have any problem?”

Me (astonished completely and was in mood to kill that waiter but I think I tried to become smart): “don’t you guys have any other seat to offer him?”

Waise bhi I was pakofied with one moron who loves food than any and he is suppose to be my potential spouse... What a lovely fate I have got ,bhagwan ji! Remember this... I would come to see you on this …

Waiter: “no madam, it is completely full today, Sharma ji's party ha na ...” (and smiled like a champ because he did his work perfectly).
 Arey item...what should I infer??

Me: “ok… we don’t have problem”
Then I gazed at the stuffed moron, damn... he is so busy to again pay a visit for those lovely puris…  Trust me ,I actually felt he was someone who had certainly from the flood effects places .Not to mention his utmost hygiene habits by pouring 2 drops of water and dip his fingers in it every time he is on the table .

Kare tho bhi kya kare.…birth instincts don die that easy: P

And then I looked at the couple to read her complaining eyes:-P and they became silent.
Was she hesitant to share table me with me? Women J factor ??:-P Or was she as much irritated as much I am looking at the moron who is paying visits at my table with a bloated plate ??

I smiled and welcomed them.
She was sharp and straight in that Bharati nari tone ... "Lovely sari… Did your spouse choose it for u"? With all her eyes on the moron.

I wish I could I loudly scream and tell...neither that fatso is my spouse nor do I have a Tom cruise in my life..
But again, I had to be nice to my BP and tell her...Am here with my parents…

"Oh …"!That was as much a sigh of relief for her to not see me with him and as well scanning me what is wrong with me to be single at this age…

I excused myself for a glass of badam milk. When I came back to the table, for the first time I behaved like “pyar ka dushman “in my entire life: -X just because of that idiot waiter.

I joined them, and I really don’t know what happened to them. They stopped discussing things. I was sitting opposite to girl. (He was very cute, and gal was $%@#$%@#$ in front of him)(You may also call it J factor).

We three were sitting there just like Gandhi ji’s three monkey. I had tried to play role of all three to remain silent, I tried not to listen any word from them and most important not to see that guy. (Blushes)

Now I was feeling very shy because of it, because I interrupted someone’s family planning or someone’s future plans about marriage or at least say anything they were planning initially. :- P

Even I tried my best to behave friendly with them, but it seemed that they were promised before my arrival that audio data transfer is sin in front of any engineer.
Suddenly I saw a table where only my mamma and dadda were left alone finally. I went to adjust myself with them.

Even I dint know my mom has this unsaid complaint… She threw up such a nasty look; I tell u …If it was anyone else...I am sure they would have died with guilt...

Beta...Why don’t you enjoy the party…?

Then an uncle who is heavier than his hanging pot belly walks up to the table…. Apki beti hai kya?
Scanning me top to toe... as if he also wants to know why I am still single…

Bottom line is 1. not to go for social parties when it is untold couple party.

2. Do not look too good if you are single.

3.Despite doing 1 & 2 ..do not hangout with people who do not appreciate beauty ...