If beating the competition and snagging a job is one achievement then comes the time you have to undergo assessment. Well...I Donna what this fortune is called as, I need to undergo assessment every quarter. And my heart misses a beat every time I hear about that.
As usual I walked in at 9 AM and first thing in morning, was checking my mails. I stopped by a mail that’s written in bold and certainly a customized mail for the head of our division.
Hey Sandy,
Greetings!
People differ in their abilities and their aptitudes. There is always some difference between the quality and quantity of the same work on the same job being done by two different people. So why have monotonous appraisals for Employees every quarter? Here is something exciting in stock, let’s meet up over a coffee at 3 in my cabin.
See you around…
Firstly, Appraisal word itself freaked me out and to that he says something exciting... This is definitely something nasty for people like us…:-(
What a day? ;-(*&$%Q@....
Then my colleague pings me on communicator...
Sandy...Mail dekha aapne?
Me: haaan ji …It’s a missile...
V: The day I got in here, I felt as if I won the Olympics gold. But after the latest appraisal meeting …
Me: Yeah... Like Jordon …they speak only about weakness, errors and failures.
D: ha ha ha ..*evil smile* agar hike mila nahi tho mein resign karra hoon…
Me: pagal ho kya?
D: aarey meri amma… benefits of talking about resignation during appraisal is as follows…
1. In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.
In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.
2. In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.
During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn't meet the expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.
3. During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success.
4. There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.
There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after you put the resignation.
Q2. Explain to me what has happened in this country during the last 10 years.
Me: probably prospective morons like you are born ….
Again I struck it off... I grew 10 years old and my mind 10 MHz faster...
Q3. Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 how weird you are.
Me: "I'm a 9. You're a 10."
As usual I walked in at 9 AM and first thing in morning, was checking my mails. I stopped by a mail that’s written in bold and certainly a customized mail for the head of our division.
Hey Sandy,
Greetings!
People differ in their abilities and their aptitudes. There is always some difference between the quality and quantity of the same work on the same job being done by two different people. So why have monotonous appraisals for Employees every quarter? Here is something exciting in stock, let’s meet up over a coffee at 3 in my cabin.
See you around…
Firstly, Appraisal word itself freaked me out and to that he says something exciting... This is definitely something nasty for people like us…:-(
What a day? ;-(*&$%Q@....
Then my colleague pings me on communicator...
Sandy...Mail dekha aapne?
Me: haaan ji …It’s a missile...
V: The day I got in here, I felt as if I won the Olympics gold. But after the latest appraisal meeting …
Me: Yeah... Like Jordon …they speak only about weakness, errors and failures.
D: ha ha ha ..*evil smile* agar hike mila nahi tho mein resign karra hoon…
Me: pagal ho kya?
D: aarey meri amma… benefits of talking about resignation during appraisal is as follows…
1. In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.
In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.
2. In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.
During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn't meet the expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.
3. During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success.
4. There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.
There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after you put the resignation.
Me: sirji !! Enlightened … chalo let me go and face the battle.
Scene two:
I knocked and got into the cabin...
"Come come... come in , Young lady ...take Ur seat…"
It appeared as if I was being called for an aids test which came out negative and the doc preparing me for hope of survival...
"Hmm…. Here is the form and we will talk about it once you are done"
Dude… which creation do you belong to? Paper … this is more like a board exam …
I opened to see what that is …
TO STAY HERE, CREATIVITY SHOULD BE THE DRIFTING POINT…
Q 1. If you were shrunk to the size of a pencil and put in a blender, how would you get out?
Me:By writing you off as an idiot for asking that.
I struck it off... hmm... err… I prefer a translation for this …
Scene two:
I knocked and got into the cabin...
"Come come... come in , Young lady ...take Ur seat…"
It appeared as if I was being called for an aids test which came out negative and the doc preparing me for hope of survival...
"Hmm…. Here is the form and we will talk about it once you are done"
Dude… which creation do you belong to? Paper … this is more like a board exam …
I opened to see what that is …
TO STAY HERE, CREATIVITY SHOULD BE THE DRIFTING POINT…
PROVE YOUR PROSPECT!
(I could see his evil grinning face next to that)
Me:By writing you off as an idiot for asking that.
I struck it off... hmm... err… I prefer a translation for this …
Q2. Explain to me what has happened in this country during the last 10 years.
Me: probably prospective morons like you are born ….
Again I struck it off... I grew 10 years old and my mind 10 MHz faster...
Q3. Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 how weird you are.
Me: "I'm a 9. You're a 10."
Well.. Be specific on your definition of weird..
Q4. Out of 25 horses, pick the fastest 3 horses. In each race, only 5 horses can run at the same time. What is the minimum number of races required?”
Me: …color really that flatters your eyes… (Bloody racist)
Q5.Given the numbers 1 to 1000, what is the minimum numbers guesses needed to find a specific number if you are given the hint 'higher' or 'lower' for each guesses you make.”
Me: ………………………………….!!!!*&$%$%#$?@#
Are you asking my weight ??
Q6.There are three boxes, one contains only apples, one contains only oranges, and one contains both apples and oranges. The boxes have been incorrectly labeled such that no label identifies the actual contents of the box it labels. Opening just one box, and without looking in the box, you take out one piece of fruit. By looking at the fruit, how can you immediately label all of the boxes correctly?”
Me: When I have apple... I don’t think of any other things….
Q7. What do wood and alcohol have in common?
Me: They can both make my head hurt. Just like this meet.
Q4. Out of 25 horses, pick the fastest 3 horses. In each race, only 5 horses can run at the same time. What is the minimum number of races required?”
Me: …color really that flatters your eyes… (Bloody racist)
Q5.Given the numbers 1 to 1000, what is the minimum numbers guesses needed to find a specific number if you are given the hint 'higher' or 'lower' for each guesses you make.”
Me: ………………………………….!!!!*&$%$%#$?@#
Are you asking my weight ??
Q6.There are three boxes, one contains only apples, one contains only oranges, and one contains both apples and oranges. The boxes have been incorrectly labeled such that no label identifies the actual contents of the box it labels. Opening just one box, and without looking in the box, you take out one piece of fruit. By looking at the fruit, how can you immediately label all of the boxes correctly?”
Me: When I have apple... I don’t think of any other things….
Q7. What do wood and alcohol have in common?
Me: They can both make my head hurt. Just like this meet.
I folded the paper and stared at him . He was like , So.. What do you think about it ?
Well.. I just smiled agreeing to my colleague suggestion !!
I am still awaiting my last four pay cheques and my share of equity from my previous employer. Haven't been fortunate to even know the meaning of the word "appraisal" till date. Hilarious post though.....:-)
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