Who?

I was comatose and amorphic:

as a product of collected earth dust.
While I was yet unclear,
In the middle of my fixed demeanor,
There has been the voice of mine.
Of questions, not asked
Of the answers, not said
Of the Dreams, not dreamt
Those questions, answers and Dreams
She know them all, I WONDER how
And if I will ever know...
I am  just an appreciator of her grandeur.
As I am a miniature, 

Petite was my loft ladder,
To the art of creation of that
REVOLUTION

which she makes the move to live

the most mighty in HOLDING her with it.
But WHO IS SHE???

Is the glass half empty or half full??

After that Viral publicity of my boss , the next was "What do you think - PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT SESSION".

First of all, I can’t believe that I picked such a topic to blog about although I was hardly present in the session!! All the while I was trying to doze off  for the lullaby kinda speech ..but that's when it hit me....

I swear ..Bosses are born to catch us in the wrong time only...

Beeep !  my mobile rang  for a text ..." Sandie ! Are you taking down the MOM??Interesting Session , we should have acdraft as soon as this is done. "

Buddaaa saaala ...Personal writer samjake raka hai kya ?

Par likhu tho kya likhu ..I just heard the bottom line .. think hatke...

I was so restless sitting there as a swam in the group of monkeys ...Don't ask me the logic ..I am already sleepy ...

There I go with the draft ...

Disclaimer : Read it at your own discretion . 

I was in a crowd of 200 + whom i know them for their roles...

 So basically Attitude is not about whether the glass is half full or half empty, it’s about who is paying for the next round. Do not look for connectivity ..MOM doesn't give logic's...

Q. Is the glass half empty or half full??

•  The project manager says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. 
• The realist says the glass contains half the required amount of liquid for it to overflow.
• And the cynic… wonders who drank the other half. 
• The school teacher type Aunty next to me says it’s not about whether the glass is half empty or half full, it’s whether there is something in the glass at all.
• The professional trainer does not care if the glass is half full or half empty, he just knows that starting the discussion will give him ten minutes to figure out why his power point presentation is not working.
• The ground-down mother of a persistently demanding five-year-old , who sat 10 seats away from me says sweetheart it’s whatever you want it to be, just please let mummy have five minutes peace and quiet. 
• The consultant says let’s examine the question, prepare a strategy for an answer, and all for a daily rate of… 
• The inquisitive troublemaker wants to know what’s in the glass anyhow… and wants the rest of it.
• The new homebuilder sees the dirty glass, washes and dries it, then puts it away in a custom oak and etched glass cabinet that he built himself using only hand tools.
• The worrier frets that the remaining half will evaporate by next morning.
• The fanatic thinks the glass is completely full, even though it isn’t. 
• The entrepreneur sees the glass as undervalued by half its potential.
• The computer specialist says that next year the glass capacity will double, be half the price, but cost you 50% more for me to give you the answer. 
• The first engineer says the glass is over-designed for the quantity of water. 
• The second engineer says (when the half is tainted) he’s glad he put the other half in a redundant glass. 
• The computer programmer says the glass is full-empty.
• The Buddhist says don’t worry, remember the glass is already broken.
• The logician says that where the glass is in process of being filled then it is half full; where it is in the process of being emptied then it is half empty; and where its status in terms of being filled or emptied is unknown then the glass is one in which a boundary between liquid and gas lies exactly midway between the inside bottom and the upper rim, assuming that the glass has parallel sides and rests on a level surface, and where it does not then the liquid/gas boundary lies exactly midway between the upper and lower equal halves of the available total volume of said glass.
• The scientist says a guess based on a visual cue is inaccurate, so mark the glass at the bottom of the meniscus of the content, pour the content into a bigger glass; fill the empty glass with fresh content up to the mark; add the original content back in; if the combined content overflows the lip, the glass was more than half full; if it doesn’t reach the top, the glass was more than half empty; if it neither overflows nor fails to reach the top then it was either half-full or half-empty. Now what was the question again?
• The Dutchman would suggest to both pay for the glass and share the content. Then tells you he will have the bottom half.
• The personal coach knows that the glass goes from full to empty depending on the circumstances, and reminds the drinker that he can always fill the glass when he wishes.
• The grammarian says that while the terms half-full and half-empty are colloquially acceptable the glass can technically be neither since both full and empty are absolute states and therefore are incapable of being halved or modified in any way. 
• The auditor first checks whether the empty half is material and then designs the audit procedures to obtain sufficient evidence to conclude that the glass is indeed empty.
• The waiter will hurry to replace the glass with a full one. For him there are no doubts: the glass was empty when he took it away; it is full in the bill that he brings you.
• The magician will show you the glass with the full half at the top.
• The physician says that the glass is not empty at all – it is half-filled with water and half-filled with air – hence, fully filled on the whole!
• The musician says he/she is unimpressed with the promoter of the concert for not providing more alcohol.
• The ineffective organization would discuss the question during the board of directors meeting, convene a committee to research the problem, and assign tasks for a root cause analysis, usually without a complete explanation of the problem to those assigned the tasks. 
• The directors would consider the problem to be above the pay grade of those assigned root 

Actually ,the point is everyone is just thinking and few are just talking what others are thinking.. 

And poor souls like me were having their piece of lullaby but again bosses like you would never stop haunting..

Good luck ! Any doubts on it.. PLEASE DO NOT WRITE IT BACK TO ME...  

Unthankfully,

Sandie ... 

Innovation - Express yourselves differently !!

For readers  who haven't read the "Assessment or Assassination" , read that first to understand , what innovation I am talking about over here ...

I haven't told you what happened after my assessment, isn’t it?

Fortunately it well went despite my boss's novel idea for the change *rolling eyes *

 But not for all...
Few dejected souls are still there who couldn’t do anything for the innovative assessment apart from cribbing..
But there was one dare soul who jus did his ground –breaking after the assessment and here it goes this way …
A mail where the entire world is marked ....

Dear redacted/ Retard (take what you wanna take ),

How you haven't been fired by now is a massive mystery to, not just me, but many people. You probably belong in a psychiatric ward. If you didn't have such a constant negative impact on everyone around you I might just feel sorry for you. BUT, you've damaged too many people. You create a hostile work environment with your flashes of insane anger and passive (I hesitate to use the word passive...) aggressive behavior. Please, just leave and piss all over the deck at [REDACTED]'s again. Maybe [REDACTED] will help this time. Her childish, two-faced personality suits you quite well. The fact that you still have a job is also a massive failure by your department's leaders as well. I'd be ashamed of being such push-over’s who refuse to support good people if I were them. Quite ashamed.

Your ,

*&%^^%# ..(don't dare take my name )
If this is it..picture baaki hai mere dosth…*evil grin*

He did take the prints out of this …(mind u !from the office printer only )and distributed it in the entire campus putting up the BOSS picture.. and of course yaa..

*Maniacly laughing* ..he tells the world..this is called INNOVATION – Find different ways to express yourselves, buddies  !


DISCLAIMER: No offense for any of the bosses to whom I am related ..just appreciate the fiction :-P

Living Disasters !

Winters are really romantic! Especially for me ...the air seems brusque, frosty and stimulating. Visions of warm fires and steaming cups of creamy hot chocolate begin to swim in our heads. It is also the perfect time for snuggling. After all, what better way is there to keep warm than cozying up with our loved ones on a cold winter night? Forget the cozy part...cuz my bf and I share different time zones. But yeah finally as the holidays approach and the temperatures start to drop, romance inevitably begins to fill the air. And mine is unusual internet romance like KARAN JOHAR's movie… Don’t ask me about that dismal. Long story which is never ending…

Only good part is we are now getting entire nights to talk...yippee<3<3<3!!
But we are together nothing oddly immense happens but catastrophes are predictable …
Here are few , just for your General knowledge about us .
Disaster 1:

Last weekend, in the eve of Christmas I ,at my work place had a Karaoke night...
And since my bf is a music lover, I had my practice sessions with him over the Skype the entire week…
Next morning, when I woke up, I see a mail from him which was about a note that got stuck to his apartment door.

Here it goes…

Hey Man,

I know you and your girlfriend are in different time zones and I totally understand you have to talk to her EVERY NIGHT 2-4 AM, but could you please keep your voice down and may be use a head phone instead of speaker? It’s nice that your girl friend has a beautiful singing voice and plays awesome guitar but I really can’t appreciate her performance at this ungodly hour. I’ve been waken up three nights in a row by you guys and I sincerely hope it won’t turn into a full season of your personal Indian Idol Show .

Adapted from your words...

ABEY GADA…PLEASE USE A HEADPHONE!
Thank you,

Someone who only gets 4 hours of sleep these days!

Disaster two:

Forget not the fact that I mentioned about the virtual romance during the holidays. This is something that happened as we got lil naughty on a very cold evening.

I saw a sticky note lying on my lappy screen as I  switched on to check any updates from my bf as he had been travelling all the EUROPE without me:-(
I just returned from my tennis game and I see something like this:

Beta...My dear upcoming Sania Mirza…
Appreciate all your work outs!

Before you yell out... YES! YOUR LAPTOP HAS BEEN USED.
I couldn’t find my charger. Should I be SORRY about it?

PS: You should probably delete your history .Your dad would be shocked.
PPS: You know internet explorer has a mode for stuff like that, it’s called incognito mode, I think.

HAPPY VIEWING!*my smiles *
Lots of Love,

Your own mamma!!

So that why, we as a couple are always called living disasters!

What's your week ??

Sugar Doughnuts on a Sleepy Sunday
 Muffled laughter on an Early Monday
 Busy coffee on a rainy Tuesday
 Empty mailbox on a rotten Wednesday
 Little daisies on a sunny Thursday
 Stolen kisses on a purple Friday
 Shameless flirting on late Saturday
 These are the things that make my day

Assessment or Assassination

If beating the competition and snagging a job is one achievement then comes the time you have to undergo assessment. Well...I Donna what this fortune is called as, I need to undergo assessment every quarter. And my heart misses a beat every time I hear about that.

As usual I walked in at 9 AM and first thing in morning, was checking my mails. I stopped by a mail that’s written in bold and certainly a customized mail for the head of our division.

Hey Sandy,

Greetings!

People differ in their abilities and their aptitudes. There is always some difference between the quality and quantity of the same work on the same job being done by two different people. So why have monotonous appraisals for Employees every quarter? Here is something exciting in stock, let’s meet up over a coffee at 3 in my cabin.

See you around…

Firstly, Appraisal word itself freaked me out and to that he says something exciting... This is definitely something nasty for people like us…:-(

What a day? ;-(*&$%Q@....
Then my colleague pings me on communicator...

Sandy...Mail dekha aapne?
Me: haaan ji …It’s a missile...
V: The day I got in here, I felt as if I won the Olympics gold. But after the latest appraisal meeting …
Me: Yeah... Like Jordon …they speak only about weakness, errors and failures.
D: ha ha ha ..*evil smile* agar hike mila nahi tho mein resign karra hoon…
Me: pagal ho kya?
D: aarey meri amma… benefits of talking about resignation during appraisal is as follows…

1. In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.
In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.

2. In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.
During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn't meet the expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.

3. During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success.

4. There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.
There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after you put the resignation.

Me: sirji !! Enlightened … chalo let me go and face the battle.

Scene two:

I knocked and got into the cabin...
"Come come... come in , Young lady ...take Ur seat…"

It appeared as if I was being called for an aids test which came out negative and the doc preparing me for hope of survival...

"Hmm…. Here is the form and we will talk about it once you are done" 

Dude… which creation do you belong to? Paper … this is more like a board exam …
I opened to see what that is …

TO STAY HERE, CREATIVITY SHOULD BE THE DRIFTING POINT…

PROVE YOUR PROSPECT! 

(I could see his evil grinning face next to that) 

Q 1. If you were shrunk to the size of a pencil and put in a blender, how would you get out?
Me:By writing you off as an idiot for asking that.
I struck it off... hmm... err… I prefer a translation for this … 

Q2. Explain to me what has happened in this country during the last 10 years.
Me: probably prospective morons like you are born ….
Again I struck it off... I grew 10 years old and my mind 10 MHz faster... 

Q3. Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 how weird you are. 
Me: "I'm a 9. You're a 10." 

Well.. Be specific on your definition of weird..

Q4. Out of 25 horses, pick the fastest 3 horses. In each race, only 5 horses can run at the same time. What is the minimum number of races required?”
Me: …color really that flatters your eyes… (Bloody racist)

Q5.Given the numbers 1 to 1000, what is the minimum numbers guesses needed to find a specific number if you are given the hint 'higher' or 'lower' for each guesses you make.”
Me: ………………………………….!!!!*&$%$%#$?@#
Are you asking my weight ??

Q6.There are three boxes, one contains only apples, one contains only oranges, and one contains both apples and oranges. The boxes have been incorrectly labeled such that no label identifies the actual contents of the box it labels. Opening just one box, and without looking in the box, you take out one piece of fruit. By looking at the fruit, how can you immediately label all of the boxes correctly?”
Me: When I have apple... I don’t think of any other things….

Q7. What do wood and alcohol have in common? 
Me: They can both make my head hurt. Just like this meet.

I folded the paper and stared at him . He was like , So.. What do you think about it ? 

Well.. I just smiled agreeing to my colleague suggestion !!

SIN gazed on a Lonely Earth - SINGLE

Sometime it is really disaster to remain SINGLE…

Q. what is SINGLE?
 SINGLE: (a.) Not deceitful or artful; honest; sincere. (According to dictionary)(www.thinkexist.com)

But engineer’s definition (you know, I have to take care of my own occupation it is really mandatory for me to answer in that language.)
Single: a very disturbing state of girl/boy, in which (s) he has to show pair of teeth in front of everyone, to show that you are still happy with this status though you are not.

It is also a relationship status option in website “FACEBOOK”, which decides your profile visits if you are female and sometime it also decides your status in front of other one.

Single also means a SIN Gazed on Lonely Earth (I tried to make full form of SINGLE).
Well cut the crap, and coming to the point.

Yesterday I had a family get together. I went there since it is the best place in the town that serves awesome food. Since it was someone’s anniversary party, it is an overly crowed place with couples. There was no hard and fast rule to enter as a couple but even the cowkidaar bayya bhi looked at me as an offense walking alone.
Aquarian people are even choosy in these awkward situations too. Without an Option they cannot even go on to a floor, dining is a way too far to be imagined.But my sweet – but not so utterly sweet mom, found a potential guy for me there. It happened that rest of the evening I had to spend my valuable time with him. Lemme clear, spend here is to tail along with him on the dance floor and some couple games.

Although my nasty lioness inside is roaring, but I kept my manners saying Hi by extending my hand.

Namaste…! Is what the guy reacted…

Err… which century he belonged to? Girl like me... In sexy black sari… holding everyone’s eyes on her... she extends her hand... and this moron joins his hands? May be his way of impressing a gal…

Hesitantly we took our place in the centre of the hall...

This hungry hobo started pouncing on food ever since when the buffet began…

Now I am telling you this world is becoming crueler towards mushy singles. A waiter comes up to me and asked: “madam! A couple is standing there; can they join you, if you don’t have any problem?”

Me (astonished completely and was in mood to kill that waiter but I think I tried to become smart): “don’t you guys have any other seat to offer him?”

Waise bhi I was pakofied with one moron who loves food than any and he is suppose to be my potential spouse... What a lovely fate I have got ,bhagwan ji! Remember this... I would come to see you on this …

Waiter: “no madam, it is completely full today, Sharma ji's party ha na ...” (and smiled like a champ because he did his work perfectly).
 Arey item...what should I infer??

Me: “ok… we don’t have problem”
Then I gazed at the stuffed moron, damn... he is so busy to again pay a visit for those lovely puris…  Trust me ,I actually felt he was someone who had certainly from the flood effects places .Not to mention his utmost hygiene habits by pouring 2 drops of water and dip his fingers in it every time he is on the table .

Kare tho bhi kya kare.…birth instincts don die that easy: P

And then I looked at the couple to read her complaining eyes:-P and they became silent.
Was she hesitant to share table me with me? Women J factor ??:-P Or was she as much irritated as much I am looking at the moron who is paying visits at my table with a bloated plate ??

I smiled and welcomed them.
She was sharp and straight in that Bharati nari tone ... "Lovely sari… Did your spouse choose it for u"? With all her eyes on the moron.

I wish I could I loudly scream and tell...neither that fatso is my spouse nor do I have a Tom cruise in my life..
But again, I had to be nice to my BP and tell her...Am here with my parents…

"Oh …"!That was as much a sigh of relief for her to not see me with him and as well scanning me what is wrong with me to be single at this age…

I excused myself for a glass of badam milk. When I came back to the table, for the first time I behaved like “pyar ka dushman “in my entire life: -X just because of that idiot waiter.

I joined them, and I really don’t know what happened to them. They stopped discussing things. I was sitting opposite to girl. (He was very cute, and gal was $%@#$%@#$ in front of him)(You may also call it J factor).

We three were sitting there just like Gandhi ji’s three monkey. I had tried to play role of all three to remain silent, I tried not to listen any word from them and most important not to see that guy. (Blushes)

Now I was feeling very shy because of it, because I interrupted someone’s family planning or someone’s future plans about marriage or at least say anything they were planning initially. :- P

Even I tried my best to behave friendly with them, but it seemed that they were promised before my arrival that audio data transfer is sin in front of any engineer.
Suddenly I saw a table where only my mamma and dadda were left alone finally. I went to adjust myself with them.

Even I dint know my mom has this unsaid complaint… She threw up such a nasty look; I tell u …If it was anyone else...I am sure they would have died with guilt...

Beta...Why don’t you enjoy the party…?

Then an uncle who is heavier than his hanging pot belly walks up to the table…. Apki beti hai kya?
Scanning me top to toe... as if he also wants to know why I am still single…

Bottom line is 1. not to go for social parties when it is untold couple party.

2. Do not look too good if you are single.

3.Despite doing 1 & 2 ..do not hangout with people who do not appreciate beauty ...

Story of a life ...

One random winter weekend nothing to do, probably the entire enthusiasm for living has got for a toss. Not because I had a bitter break up or I was home alone or I was aloof by everyone, probably Vice versa. I found a crumb lying beneath the beam bag on which I was sitting, getting crushed as much as my heart. Before I picked it up, one last message I wanted to type and end it of …

“If you ever liked the relation, you would have known how much it pains. Whatever, you are splendor of the loser, my ditcher! “

Then to the contrary, I found the rag having a man’s pic overly smiling like in a tooth paste ad. But the message was strong…

“Life is too short for discoveries of your own unless you come out to explore the exposed exclusivity “

I haven’t actually decided to attend that Stammtisch like thing of the veterans but the teaser and tedium played their part of spur. Finally I got off my dark den and set a long walk towards the beautiful park where the veterans already started off  with their cartoon exhibition. Probably they were talking about the way young take the life so insanely.

There was awe spread across them seeing me there. Done with initial part of my intro, I was just killing my time but eventually my attention was dragged by an old man, probably 85+ years. 

Every minute has been a gift, so it’s the present from the lord. How do you take the right to complain the beauty of creation where you are a mere scrounger? I haven’t asked for that Oxford education, I have not asked for the beautiful wife and healthy child.

I couldn’t resist being nasty. "You have got everything what a perfect life has. Any reason to complain? Then philosophy never existed in your life".

 He looked deep intense into my eyes. Donno why, but my body had a virtual current shock internally. I shivered as the water rushed beneath the blood.

 He then narrated, “My wife is paralyzed when my son had passed away in the 9/11”. Neither I am too good to serve my beautiful lady with my two arms too”. Then he stood up on his clutches. All I could see a portion of pantaloons hanging each side where the legs are to be freely flown. All he has nothing but a broken-down shed and a rickety sack that is “patched with flour sacks” and looks “like the flag of permanent defeat.” The skin of his gaunt body illustrates his hardships and is marked with deeply-set wrinkles, scars, and blotches from the punishing sun. And because of his terrible misfortune, he is a pariah in his cartoon paints. But paradoxically that all reflected was quite a contrast of his life. They were happy, glee and so enticing. Everything was so much about the art of living, probably that is what his personality is.

But something that pricked me was, when you Donna the surprise of next moment in your life. .how are you sure of a decision for life time? He was good in explaining this too…

Life is too short for discretion. Today is what you get.... Live it the fullest as it comes...

Then I asked him rest is on destiny?

Nope... It is how strong your will power is to live with it.

Then why it pains when it is broken?

Coz you are making your own choice of it. The irony is, you don’t have the choice of things coming your way yet you wish have with is again a toss. The desire, the expectation is your best rival.

Certainly these made an effect on my living. He was not seen again but his inspiration was my motivation not because he had an Oxford degree but for the way he lived without two legs yet supporting the world on his crutches. The only thing he had was a crutch of smile through his cartoons.

“In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in a clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. Our life is a long and arduous quest after Truth. ”

Smiling tears...

It’s been a while and is going on
Little by little
Things are falling apart,
Unusually happy with the own.


To believe it’s true,
That there are roads still left in both of our shoes;
But Silence is something we share.
 If the silence takes you,
Then I hope it takes me too,
and for that understanding, I write thus.


I knew we were lost in the same thought.
Is that why our world is still apart?
If you feel the same I feel
Why did the thoughts wander?


Like the sleepy dances
of treetops on windy night
Like the Stilted prose, sullen verse,
faint lyric milled beyond sight.


I gurgle and rustle and scream,
sans words I languished in drought.
Until all that changed
was lonely night and lonely day
For me to dream of answers to unasked questions.
For me dream of wisdom and strength.
I know what holds me back, sets me free too.
When I dream its new me, untarnished, and unhurt, whole again!!

Hey U, I am here ...

Blacky don’t bark at me.
I ain’t no stranger.
I live just 3 blocks away.
I happen to go home late in the night most of the days. My neighborhood is a fairly calm place, where not many are on the road after 8 pm. This leaves me as the lone person walking on the road most of the times.

There is always some song that keeps running in the back of my mind like a distant radio. And when I am alone these songs come out of my mouth that  I sing that to myself.

Here is a situation song from Green Day that comes to my mind:

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don’t know where it goes
But it’s home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I’m the only one and I walk alone

Well I would be wrong if I say I walk alone. There are quite a few street dogs that walk, run, <censored> , and fight at that time.

And like any other gangs, this ‘gang of dogs’ has a gang leader. He is small; He is black, and He is mad as hell, as my boss at work. I think the other dogs think he belongs to an occult society; otherwise there is no reason why they allowed him to be the self proclaimed leader that he is.

For me he is as soothing as Himesh Reshamiya’s “Suroooorrrrrrr: , and as lovely as Rakhi’s face.

This Chief, for some reasons best known to him, doesn’t like the sight of me singing to myself and walking. Had he met Himesh, he would have changed his opinion.

He barks, barks as loud as a trumpet on a Bose speaker, whenever he sees me. Then all his accomplices come running from all over the place barking and supporting his cause (Which I am totally unaware of)

What’s worse is that the dogs inside the houses too join this moment and bark, howl and do what not.

One day I stopped while the Chief was barking at me. He came running, barking and making gestures at me. And some how he got an intuition that it’s better not to come near me, so he applied breaks, skidded of the road and stopped, but still he didn’t stop his barking. See...Something is scared of me at last!

Somehow I did not wanna show my fear to it. I said... see blacky...I am better than you in all ways...

1. I am fairer than you
2. I am taller than you
3. I have more teeth than you...
4. I have huge family than yours.
5. And I have better fan than yours
6. I have better voice than yours

So back off…

See... be a wise man. Do not battle with the stronger...
And then I walked my way... There really come the huge pursue...
Damn... I walk, ran, jump... And then flew...

I happen to land in a warm place but unfortunately in the wet dunk like all those Maharanis of olden days have their mud bath.
And if you haven’t figured it out yet, yes, the first three lines of this post are of the song I am writing for him.

Waise bhi I don’t write for dogs... so that is it...
Phir kya hua??
Kya hoga… I went home and cleaned up the shit and slept...

And then on...Stopped walking in the nights...

Unexceptional Nonsense...

I so love illogical tête-à-têtes... It actually takes brains and drollness to talk intelligent nonsense and continue with it!! And I guess no one can beat K on this …It's such a disgrace not too many people like them... Here's one nice brief one with a friend with whom I've talked so much nonsense it's energizing!!!

K: Yoo!! An airplane just swooshed by me!! Ok I think I'm really sleepy na...
Me: Ya I think so... you looked it... but luckily the pilot managed to avoid your ear... many got airsick... see what you do to people...!!
K: There was an awful streak of white...
Me: Ooh nice... next time some orange and green too ok? How about an orange for now? Apple is also fine... but it keeps the doc away...
K: And somewhere in between a plane going round in circles with blue streaks. Probably it is black too. Ok I'm dozing off....
Me: And you're taking off... have a nice flight and do fasten your seatbelt...
K: I have a tie... as strong as a magnetic belt...
Me: isn’t it the same … belt in common?
K: of course, red in color. And an apple is in red...so it keeps the doc away..: D
Me: Ah the air traffic controller himself drops out...
K: How about the Newton's apple?
Me: It's already in Cambridge .

The untold to unfold ....

"And hence, every butter has its bitter for the better".

There was a flood of applause across the hall. No wonder people missed to catch the ‘bitter’ and ‘better’. In such an earsplitting throng also I managed to hear “kabhi aati nahi phir bhi creative employee award mil jati hai ... Kya makhan mari karti hain ye ladkiyaan ...”

I seriously could not get the point there. Is it the ego as he was sharing the award with her or the looked down attitude on her?

Back to her 'bitter' and 'better'. A week before this conference I saw her strangling around something over the phone probably with her spouse.

Some things come upon us gently, and sometimes with a giant boom-crash-and-bang.
Either way, after the initial chaos, I believe change always leads  to a better and happier place. And it is to embrace and welcome, to smile and feel good about.
Although I never wanted to stalk but eventually I ended up doing that by sipping a coffee and picking up a magazine pretending to ignore her presence in the cafeteria.

“What point is there when life becomes a compulsory treadmill? You have to get off and get a breath of fresh air, take a walk in the park”.

But unlike the others, I did notice tears streaming down her face and I am reminded that information is a powerful thing.

Later I have learnt that her constraints want her to be a good, ideal home maker and not leading the Asia’s business. But again, is it the compromise or the authority?

The following weekend, I had my friend at my doorstep in a very unusual hour of the night.
Before I could inquire, the heavy sniveling stopped to speak...

“I feel my pulse aloud in my ear. But trust me; I am just pushed to the wall.
I couldn’t do anything. I lost my job... I lost my career...I lost the aspiration…”

I interrupted to say … Have you lost the freedom of expression?

But again... I had to agree on this for a normal employee VS the continent’s head.

“Some things never really leave you. They stalk you now as they have stalked you before. The past haunts you; the present kills you with the realization that tomorrow will be the same or even worse!! There is no escape route, nothing to hold on to, no dream, no light at the end of the tunnel, not even family to keep you sane”.
What do we call this as …Gender exploitation?

Other day, I have spotted this in the news of a village where every woman was laid down on the roads and the so –called Babaji walked over them. This is to be considered as a tribute for the well being of the family of those women, who bore his leg. Ridiculous but true, this is followed on the great consent of the men of every family which has a lady. Are they left with choice?

Well this isn’t about women empowerment but this a clean pun for the one who says the new era is the women’s era. Educated or uneducated, power or professional, women have always spun in the spring. Even today, people don’t talk about Chinmayi Sripada as youth icon but acknowledges Ranvijay.

I am sure no guy would say his all time role model is his mother.
I am sure no one knows what is the first dream of the woman at their home had.
I am sure no one knows why they have that uninvited attitude when talking to a lady.
I am sure no one knows why the lady’s untold is always unheard.
Is it just because she is a women?

What is your Gal's Rashee??

The other day, while I was browsing upon Aquarians and I thought this was apt in describing the Aquarian girl traits. Trust me they are best of women to be a great partner for anyone.

Here goes the entire pun:

Unpredictability and confusion describes the uniqueness of an Aquarius female. The same goes for her love life too. She is very loyal, but at the same time, she is also a little detached and not extremely emotional. She will be committed and remain faithful too, but do not try to bind her. Let her enjoy her freedom and in return, she will come back to you when she gets tired of her expeditions. You are always her final destination if she decides you are the one for her. Her dreams are very different from that of a normal female and she hums a different tune, which most of us have not even heard of.

An Aquarian female is like a butterfly, which sits on every flower, but belongs to none. She loves her freedom and if you can accept this, she will love you even more. Within her boundless limits, her love will also be limitless. Position and power matter to her more than money and bank balance. If you want her to fall in love with you, be true and honest, not only to others, but also to yourself. You don't need to follow her rules. You can form your own code of ethics, but be sure to live by them.

Passion is not one of the personas of Aquarian girl. Rather, her love will be delicate and humble. She is intense, but may prefer to be platonic most of the time. Hosting as well as attending parties comes naturally to her and she will always be a social delight. She will trust you completely and will not be unduly suspicious of your activities. You will also not be bothered by too much jealousy or possessiveness on her part. Her trust arises from the fact that before committing, she had dissected your behavior under a microscope.

Only after being convinced of your integrity did she take the next step... Still, if you become unfaithful to her, she will be extremely hurt and is likely to remember the wound for a long time. With an Aquarian female, out of sight means out of mind too. So, make sure to be around here always. She has a very strong will power. If she thinks the relationship is not working and has no chances of improving also, she will break it right away; though doing so may tear her heart into two pieces. Like every Aquarian, she will remember her first love throughout her life.

It's no use getting upset, better be the first love in her life. She will never ever be dishonest in a relationship and even if she indulges in an extra-marital affair, it will end before it even started. She will always try to know your deepest thoughts and secrets, but her own dreams will be beyond your reach. Conversing with an Aquarian female is usually a delight because of her charming manners. Her mind is quite unpredictable and you will find it hard keeping track. She will live in the present, then suddenly be wistful about yesterday and then, become enthusiastic about tomorrow.

She may talk about fairies one day and discard elves as humbug, the other. Never look down on her or she might never look up to you. She respects you and will expect the same in return. As mothers, Aquarian women tend to be very loving and caring. Though in the beginning, they may be a little nervous about the whole idea of motherhood. But once they become comfortable with it, it will come to them naturally. An Aquarius female may find it difficult to express her love in the form of hugs and kisses and you will have to teach her that. She will never overburden the kids with protection.

At the same time, she will always be a patient listener to their childhood and adolescent problems. Teaching them discipline will also be your responsibility. However, for all this to happen you will have to convince her to get married and this certainly isn't an easy job. You will also have to teach her romance, since expressing emotions does not come too easily to her. She will happily hold your hand and walk besides you, but don't expect her to gaze into your eyes for hours at a stretch.

Don't smother your Aquarian girl with too much closeness, she needs her space and will give you, yours too. Things like suspicion, possessiveness, chauvinism and criticism turn her off. Just be nice to her odd bunch of friends and she will warmly welcome yours into the house. Make use of her intuition and insight, it may help you in solving a problem or two. It may seem like wishful thinking now, but then, remember she looks in the future. Hold her hand and she will let you see the future too, where both of you are cozily living together. 

The Funk

The yoke is on my heart,
blackening,
the yoke is in my head,
blocking,
the yoke is in the gap, between you and me,
separating,
the yoke in my shoulders,
crushing.

the burden's fuel is my shame,
the flame is my torch, burning my chin,
a single tear will cease it,
hold me and share my fear, my burden, my skin.

A Friday Evening in a girl's room

Since I reached home early and despite being a Friday I had nothing much to do. I started off as a New Year clean-up exercise. The Maniacs like me clean every single day in the name of any upcoming festival say it even a fresher’s party , but still we find something to clean up.

After prevaricating for years (in some cases, a decade!) I finally decided to let go off a few things that had long ceased to be of any use to me. Yet, these were not easy calls to take!

Somewhere along the line, the sense of ‘loss’ became so overwhelming that I got melancholy and poetic.My temptation went so beyond that I wanted to blog about it too ..:-) But again I regained by saying

Change is life.
Change is growth.
Change is good
And your crap is no good for anyone !
I was flipping through the papers in my desk drawer to find my sunglasses (why was I looking for my sunglasses in the middle of a stack of papers?? that’s just my way of staying organized!) and came across this bookmark with some motivational text on it (no not a web bookmark…a paper bookmark you friggin geek) that I had bought a few months back, which was now biting dust.

I was just about to throw it through the window but then decided to read it one last time before doing the honors….so I read it…and then I read it again and was so impressed that I decided to not only keep it right on my desk but also write the quote here so as to wake up some more dead souls, and boost their morale, so here it goes -

“You’re really something, do you know that? And in spite of whatever may happen to your day, you are going to stay that way: trying and giving and living life in the best way you know how.
You’ve made it through difficult things before, right? Right. And you always land on your feet. Maybe not dancing; maybe not always sure about what to do next. But you always manage to figure things out. Especially when you’re able to keep your sense of humor and not lose your smile. if you really think about it you’ll realize that you are a very strong individual. Someone who may not have all the answers but who is at least willing to hope and try and believe.
So keep your spirits up, and keep things in perspective. It’s going to be okay” – Ceal Carson

Hope that lifts up the dead spirits!! It did for me .

And What now ?

Everything turned topsy-turvy.
Nothing worked-
Neither KAL HO NAA HO Sharukh nor
The Munna’s jaadu ki jhappi.

I never bore this gloom,
as if its end of the whole thing.
Some patted me for growing up,
some cursed me to death for the rupture.
Probably I am a little crazy, immature, and/or neurotic all on my own.


Driven, but prone to moments,
whine and mope are awfully emotional to turn around.
 Be it for the most rational person ever.


But again, the natural instinct of marketers never change even in relations,
unless Pareto’s thumb rule is applied satisfactorily.
Nevertheless, it is too harsh of choice to be ridicule.
Yet I am frenzy over a boy who never called.


Then Helen Keller’s happiness quote opened the doors*,
Yet again mix of emotions evoked.
But something changed-
The two swept over me and neither of them is longing.
Strange but true, as his accusations,
That I am obstinate personified.
If ever, I not let him go.


I admit at the jealous of his new life without me,
And of his happiness, but more than that I am RELIEVED
Of the great silence he vents.


He also knows, I am stuck in a stature
Vacillating between 6 and 75 year,
Throwing up temper tantrums when he ignores my texts for more than an hour,
But again drives up a wall with incessant chatter like a full weekend is ours.


I may not cook,
I may be messy
But I know what looks pretty for him.
Someone ask the dumper,
Will he find anyone like me! 

The chuckling sarcasm would
Certainly say, `that would be a point'. 

*“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” ~ Helen Keller.

More than a few words...

That came as the waft playing its kink
for the desire I craved,
that you would be by me every twilight
with time extending boundaries to no edge.


But my heart snivels silently,
in the gentle wind scorn
Of the never fallen shower,
Oh my chap!
That whole world is part of the stratagem.
Yet I never stopped waiting in the offing.


My time never agreed without you -
it seems thorny now to compromise...
I should see just you
is the feeling yet again everyday...
By the God you love.


That jiffy will tell you the condition of mine
of first promise we gave,
if ever my feeling could articulate.


You're the shine of my shade,
of which I am a nomad...
In story of my heart that world is electrifying.


You’re the soul of mine
as it was meant to be.
I know you feel it too
But how long can I live on dreams...
Now appear, bustling the heart’s dread.


Both of my mad eyes,
bottomless to see you every moment
and the smile on my lips 
rushing to show off as the way you adored.
Now at least show up 
no more I can placate them,
I had no control over them.

Hum kisise kam nahi ..

First thing Hyderabadis are known for is their DUM-KA-BIRYANI but forget not their masha Allah Hindi...
They are more amusing than any... Trust me, not even the zoo …

Here go few of them :-)

An archetypal daily practiced conduct:

• He goes to gas station to fill and says "Paanch point single oil daalo". 
• He says "Abbi aatau miyaa" and vanishes for couple of hours or does not come back at all. 
• He sleeps around 1 am and wakes only after 9:30 am. 
• He drinks half cup of tea at least 6 times and buys only 1 gold flake cigarette. 

And mention not their eating habits:

• If they do not eat rice at least once a day they will die. 
• For them the only good dishes on earth are Hyderabadi biryani, Nahari, Haleem, Khatti daal, Tamataun ka saalan, Bhendi ka sherwa, Dhai ki kadi, Paalak ki bhaaji, Aaloo baigan, Gawaar ki phalli, Kheema aloo methi. Khaagina, Khichdi,Boti ka saalan, Khadi daal, Bagaara khaana daalcha,Mirchiyaa bhajiye,Khubaani ka mittha, Kaddu ki kheer and Fruit salad . 

Once in a week he will visit Alhamdulillah, Bismillah to eat Kalyaani biryani.

Best places for hangouts are irani café (any branch) . Mention not their hygiene. They have more relatives than the piercing houseflies around to squeeze each other.

New Generation (Males):

• 2 out of 3 are Sharukh, Amir or Salman Khan.He feels offended if someone looks at him "Kaiku ghoorra miya??" 
• They only want to become Engineer, Doctor or MBA. 
• For most of them US visa is a dream and Saudi visa a blessing. 
• Most of the boys spend their precious time at "gali ke nukkad pe", "chabootre pe", "hotelon mein", girls college, playing billiards, chatting on internet, teasing girls, changing mobile phones and spend their parents hard earned money. 
• "Her ladke ki Amrika ki koshish chalte rehti aur side mein Landan ki bhi ya phir Bhaunai Saudi se visa bhejne waale rehte". 

New Generation (Females):

• If she is not studying at "St Ann’s or Vijay Marie" then she is not studying at all, Shadaan College is a compromise. 
• Stanley is the only school and college for girls from Old city. 
• Begums is the most preferred beauty parlor. 
• Most of them would not like to wear sharaara for the second time, “Her shaadi mein nayaa sharaara chaahiye". 
• Most of them say" Main kapde sirf Neerus OR Meena bazaar se hi leti hun". 
• Par actually shopping means only "chudi " @ old city . 

Par kambakth … kabhi kapde hi nahi dekte.. 

Finding a Match (Ladke waale):

All most all the cases are dealt by Marriage Bureau.
A team of a dozen goes to see the girl (to eat pastries, bananas, fruit biscuits)
When they return home after seeing the girl, someone from the family says"badi se manjli ke aankh naak ache hai nai".
Her kisi ko gori ladki chahiye,if they want to reject they say" Ladki ka khad aur rang kam hai,hamare bachhe ki height achi hai"(5'6").
They say "Ladke ku family visa bhi hai",even if he makes 3000 riyals and "Ladke ka kafeel bhaut acha hai,tanqaa badaataun bola shaadi ke baad"."Inter fail ladke ku bhi Graduate ladki honaa".

Finding a Match (Ladki waale):

Almost all ads say"Ladki soum aur salaah ki paaband hai" and "Shaadi mein jaldi hai, ladki ke bhai baaher se aaye hue hai".
Advertisements sometimes clearly mention"Ladke ku kaarobaar bhi lagaa ke denge" or "Azad visa bhi denge" or "Ladki ke naam pe jaaydaad hai" (500 gaz ka plot,makaan ya phir flat).
Hyderabadi parents only look for US/Canadian Immigrants or Gulf settled - Deen ki nisbat pe rishte karne waale aaj kal bahut kam honge.

Finally Shaadi ke Din....... 
If there is no dinner a lot of them are disappointed, they say "Kya jaate miya gaadi ka kiraya daal ke,kheench nai hai".

Many still take “Jode ki rakham" and if you ask Dulhe raja he will say "Mereku nai maloom,Ammi Abba baat karliye,main toh nakko bola sheikh".

These days nikaah takes place at masjid but the jahez(dowry) reaches grooms home late night when neighbors are in deep in sleep.

Invitations clearly mention that nikaah is at 7pm but Dulhe raja arrives at 8:30 pm,9 pm,9:30 pm and soon after nikaah people are desperately waiting for someone to announce "Aaiiye" (call for dinner).

They are crazy about chicken"Poori dish undal lete mauka mile to".

Pehle Haleem khaate fir chicken fir biryani fir chicken aur fir chicken fir qubani ka mittha fir kaddu ki kheer aur fir aakhri mein he puts some dahi ki chatni on his palm and starts licking it.

When he is done with food he needs a cigarette and then the discussion on the quality of food starts.

Hyderabadis in Gulf:

Ek doosre ki taang kheechte rehte wahan per.

Nayaa nayaa jo bhi aata usko bolte"Kaiku aaye miya,kya hai yaan pe,sab khatam hogaya,sirf khurchan baaqi hai (Lower level of cooked rice),

waipe kuch bhi kerlena tha".

PS: Mind you, I’m neither a critic nor trying to discriminate; I not only love Hyderabad but also the Hyderabadis.

When Sun went down on me ....

Before I could actually wake up, I was forced to wake up. Ask why? I was drenched in a pool of water that was stinking which can be statured to be Urine. At once, I feared it was mine. Nah...God showed mercy; it’s not mine... *satisfactory grin*. It’s my baby niece. Before I am well delighted, bacha kahan hain?

After a melodrama, we finally found her in my bean bag in my balcony sunk in my tee.

I freshened up to go for my gym class. Haan ji...Sunday ko bhi... Our weirdo gym gives us a holiday on Monday.

People call me living disaster. Wondered why, until my most obsessed gym owner  threw me out.

Walking or running on any moving surface, such as a treadmill, increases your chances for a crash and burn. Dynamic in iPods, water bottles and towels and you add more tasks and objects that interfere with your ability to walk straight.

Thoooooddd! Patttt ..putttt..

Don’t wonder about the 3 sounds. One -I fell, Two-I tore the next guy’s shirt while I was falling off, and  three -the hit the falling bottle in the trainer’s wrong place:-P

Before something more can happen, I decided to join the deadly quiet yoga class. You’re breathing; you’re downward dogging and - whoops - now someone farts. Even worse, it’s loud enough to rip the fabric of the space-time continuum. And swear...it wasn’t me. I will have my daily dose. I am fed with triphala churan:-P. But every one’s eyes were on me. Uff… how embarrassing I tell u…

Rushed back home to reframe the disaster. But that is my birth right u c... I hit an auto guy on my way back...Who doesn’t hesitate to use words like"baigan ke","Hau", "Nakko","Hallu" ,

"Bole to suno miyaa","Kaiku" and "Kate".

An other depressing episode …Some other time.

Then I actually was awaiting another disaster. I missed wishing my friend on his birthday @ 12. No wonder I had to take it all on my way back. For that I had to give the Hyderabad road attendant (Suppose to be the official vagabond) a donation of 2K as holiday bonus. Ha... unko general terms mein traffic police bolte hain.

If this was it, the ultimate travesty is yet to happen.

 I am out for lunch with my friends and my mom calls me up while she was shopping out. My bloody phone exceptionally in its ICU condition, works only on speaker. There my mom screams at top of her vocal box, beta... Tera size kya hain?  …

After all, even my fate needs to make fun at least after this much of clowning. I sooner or later landed up in a sangeet party where a drunkard on his dannu comes ear-piercing probably at me, “basanti in kutton ke samne mat nachna”. People around tumbled and toppled for that. I was neither dressed up like basanti nor was bopping around. But whatever it was... Bhagwan , Life se Panga ho gaya :-P

Blog is mightier than anything

Highlights:

Me:Characters exchange?
V:Sure? Phir se sochlo…
Me:Yeah baby! Muah… of course... Sure hone ki kya baat ha…
V:Arey waah …Yeh bhi tere blog ke liye?

Scene one:

Me: Acha jaanu … thu mere liye kuch bhi karega hai na…
How much u know me? U love na..?? (Gloomy face)
Aaj kal mein itna kuch karri huin ..thu kuch bhi nahi bolta…

My boyfriend (V): Of course I love you and see we are tying knot soon also …
Anything for u baby<3!

Me: Go home and text me …
Then will ask you :-|

Acha pehle ye bata.. why do u end a conversation only in one word or two? 

How do I look to you ?Devil?

(After our puppy love, we departed our ways in half an hour.
 There was a loud beep on my mobile)

(V):  Wazzup babe?
Me: Hey jaaanu ...<3<3<3!! Just waiting for your message..Itna dher kyu kar diya ?
Kisse baat karra tha?  Woo Sapna se?? Yeh Seema se??
(V): hehe .love u baby …
Acha bol kya puchna hain?
Me: U anyways don’t answer na..no point asking..:-( :-(:-(
(V): Baby .Pooch na… Characters exchange karna hain?
Me: Pakka?? Sochlo :P
(V): Jo aapki hukum…
Me: Ok ..now u as me and I as u …
So guess what I wanted to ask u …(over intelligent Smirk)
(V):Ok..being u is simple honey…here it goes as a sample.
Acha online aaja .. Can't type. 

Me: Nah.. I am cool here.. I have an Iphone.

(V):Write a snarky-free essay on two of the following (3000+ words):
My dad (your would-be father-in-law)
Your emotions right now
Describe the appearance of your ideal woman, starting with her shoes. Actually, just the shoes—the rest, U know.
Critique the outfits I wore on our last 7 dates (skip the 3rd and 5th most recent dates; add more detail about the 6th.)
List (all questions compulsory):
10 colors that are not in the rainbow, or in a box of crayons.
10 things you can do that my mom will find cute.
All our anniversaries and important days.
All festivals when you are not permitted to discuss religion, or give any variant of your “how 99% of the world’s religions are already extinct” speech.
10 friends—besides members of your “band”—that you think you will need to phase out of your life, once we’re married. (Do not include friends that have already been phased out.)
Write the last joke of mine you ever laughed your heart off.
Describe in brief all your ex-girlfriends. Attach their pictures. All the pictures. And gifts, etc. Basically everything that’s in “the box.” Just attach the whole box.
Under what circumstances are you permitted to lie to me?

(V): I INSIST YOU TO WRITE IT DOWN AND SEND IT ACROSS IN NEXT HALF AN HOUR. WARNA….
Me: Ok!
(V): No googling ah !
Your time starts now.. Am waiting ! Jya wait karwana mat baby <3! Muah !

Me:OK

Scene two:
ME typically living V’s character which means , just to stay silent and not showing up any emotions except say “Muah! “ “Love u jaanu “periodically. But my birth instinct never dies..After a long brain storm as how my life will turn with such a person, best thing I could come up with is to start a blog named , “mybfisnotme.blogspot.com” 

TITLE: NEVER MARRY A BLOGGER:

Here are the best reasons …

1. You’ll know she is pregnant through her blog.

2. Whether you fart, scratch, snore, or forget the anniversary, it is all up there.

3. Before you get to know, the whole world will get to know that she is having trouble with her mother in law.And also there would always be a weird comparison about her DADDY cool and you.

4. She will rant about how certain other blogs get more number of comments than she does though they write crap, and you are supposed to be sympathetic.

5. Should the template be Minima stretch or Minima lefty stretch? Template number 587 or 498? Tic Tac blue or stretch denim template? Certainly your decision making skills could be put to better use.

6. She claims that blogging is the only way of venting frustrations and letting out the steam whenever she is upset with someone. Including you.

7. You don’t want to live fearing the rest of your life that every morning you wake up, you’ll read a post starting “My husband is a…….”, with a hundred comments starting “Oh how could he?”, “He should…..” and “He should not……”.

8. You wake up from a nightmare that your wife has just made your darkest secret public, till you realize it wasn’t a nightmare. It was reality.

9. Every little nice thing you do for her will be up there on the blog. Every little mean thing you do to her will also be there up on her blog.


10. You are accountable for every female who comments on your blog, but you are not supposed to ask her about the males who leave comments on her blogs, because that makes you a suspicious, overtly jealous and possessive pig.

11. You are supposed to treat her out every time a blog of hers gets featured on DesiPundit or Blogbharti.

12. You are not supposed to take sides during heated blog discussions aka feline blog fights. You don’t have an opinion. You are her husband. You are to take her side. Always.

13. You would rather stay at home playing PSPs on the weekend than accompany her as the faithful puppy to be showed off at the local monthly blog meets.

14. Sometimes, the only way you can understand what’s up on her mind and why is she acting weird is by reading her blog. To discover that she was just having her periods.

15. Again and again, you will be given kasams to not read certain blog posts of hers. The whole world can know about it while it has to be a secret from you. And if you don’t, you are not giving her space or respecting her privacy.

16. You are in the middle of a Barcelona vs. Real Madrid game at your best buddy’s place when you get an SOS call from a common philanthropist friend- “Run home. You just forgot your wife’s birthday and it’s all over there on her blog”

17. You are not supposed to get jealous when you read about how she met her college crush and had coffee with him when you read it in her blog.

18. The world wasn’t supposed to know that you sleep in your superman underwear.


I was sweating all around in 16 degrees temperature too. Suddenly I wake up to realize
Silence not only kills but trills ….