Jay -Veeru and my story

Well, yes I had been away for a while from blogging. Was busy catching up the year-end work pressures and busy attending knowledge sharing sessions across the city. Here I write about one of the funniest sessions I ever had. In fact ,recovering from the last session I had.
There was this interesting “Out of the box “theme going on the previous week with one of the clubs I visit. We were asked to come up with something non- existing yet virtually possible.And we were given few questionnaire too so that the object needs to satisfy all the mentioned skills namely history of the object . Why, how it was made. Its performance ,its unique selling points and price.

I was all excited to take part cuz its one of the premiere meets of the month. I found out from the guest list.It had quite a few CEO's and COO's of the top MNC's.

At the session:

I was in an illusion that it is going to be the most informal networking session. To the contrast,the room was terrifically charged up with the professionals. I found first few rows filled with all those people dressed in suit and a decent tie.
I already submitted my idea online .After seeing the atmosphere I really don’t want to fool myself .Wanted to take back my participation. But I have no such chance. My name and my slot were already frozen for the competition by then and the show began.
People have come up with quite some interesting descriptions of their objects.
Finally it was my turn; I stumbled and mumbled but haa…I had no option other than fronting them.
Probably few are the CEO’s of the top MNC’s. No chance to step back as I am already there.
The host announces your 2 mins starts now…
Without any eye contact, looking at the roof, I started off :

My object is a robot with life. It can be anything you want based on the situation. It has life but no muscle or flesh or blood.
Unique features are:


Lightning speed
Sharper
 Uniquely innovative  product with complex technology of Biotechnology and Complex computing algorithms. A pinch of innovation is from the robotics.
Very adaptable to moods and hence it runs on Telepathy too.


History:


It was hard to name it, so I call him veeru, not that Jay is his friend or clone but he was born for the sound of Jai Hind. He was delivered via C-Section and it was performed by him. Cloning technology, you see. Baby Veeru didn’t eat nestle mashed foods. He crushed his own apples. That independent he was.
 As a teenager, for his glamour, veeru never used braces.Truly Independent. He straightened his teeth with his tongue.
 He uses lawn mower to shave.
 His least achievement was winning the Delhi marathon. He started in Hyderabad. 
When he wants ice, it makes it hail. That’s his go-getter attitude.
 When he wants a mobile phone, he carries around a cell tower. That how he does his homework well.
In any hard-hitting situation, he doesn’t need a gun because he can reach the enemy faster. He is such spontaneous. 
Let me tell you how experimenting he is .He will tell you if the oven is hot enough by touching it.


He is gem at character too. He doesn't like to handle diamonds because he keeps accidentally crushing them. He can impregnate a woman on a long distance phone call. 
Snake bite is a common cause of death near Veeru’s house. He bites a lot of snakes.
His last stay was in zoo .In their desert survival classes; Mountain lions learn how to identify Veeru.
Well, the reason for it to design is to make life at its simplest and also a moral lesson for all human beings too.


How do I sell it ?


Well…its track record speaks it all.Do I havvve to say anything ?*Chuckles*


Is it costly ?


It’s a life time investment. It costs less than any minimal electronic good. Also it is tailor made.Hence,price is quoted accordingly.
And hence its Veeru ka jaadu…Jay ko jayahoo…

I know I literally made the possible mockery of myself. But really, can you imagine I had audience for this session too.
A gentleman in the first row raised his hand to ask .His tone was really soft and he sounded inquisitive. What technology is it made of? I understand a blend of  biotechnology, telepathy and all.Could you elaborateit in simple terms for the commoner's like me?

I couldn’t resist but say it runs on Rajni Kanth technology.

Trust me I never knew I was this entertaining  in a crowd of nerds too.
Eventually ,I won the session too. Silly people, I tell you !!

Hello Madamji! Smile karna mana hai

I didn’t do anything outlandish but that guy completely froze in his tracks. He looked at me in skepticism. My eyes glittered and smile just could not stop reaching my lips. Yet again I covered it with the bag I was holding. I am sure he must have concluded I was a plump mutant with extra face muscles enabling me to exert a smile. I never knew smiling at your EX is a strict no-no.

It’s already been a year and half we spoke, you did harm and I did what I could do. Damage is for the both then why still burning with the grudge .I seriously don’t get that point. Well, I just smiled in shock, surprise and happiness all that I had with that person. Year and half is not less to forgive the little harm and cherish the good times. And very soon after that I realized that such rule doesn’t apply when EX- friends encounter each other and when you know both have the same destination. We don’t smile at each other. I never understood why we approach each other with warning. I think we firmly believe that who smile at you are sales persons or gay (/lesbian) or both.

Then I got into the bus to locate my reserved place and settled happily there. Under the flickering light, I really did not feel like reading .I looked from the wink of my eye to check him out. Nah...I really didn’t wanna make it obvious. So I picked up the sticky note pad and started writing.

Where ever you stay and after how long you come across your EX and this is what you need to do: 

1. Under no circumstances make an eye contact. 

2. Pretend he is transparent and look through him. In the unthinkable event that you actually made eye contact, give him the “are you trying to steal my virginity” look.
3. If the other person stretches his lips into an expression unbeknownst to you, look at him as if he were an alien with a foot-long nose hair.
If at all your EX is a woman, the situation is worse. She will reflexively respond with a frown. It is somehow worked into the belief system that if she doesn’t frown back, it would be taken as an invitation to hit on them back.

One day, two of my friends who dated came to visit me at the same time. I was supposedly not in the room as I went to fetch some water for both of them. The gal walked straight to the water cooler. He said, “It’s unusually warm, isn’t it?” Just to make a simple conversation. She perked up and looked at me with shock, as if the question had the connotation of a mating call in the culture she grew up in. A range of expressions ran in her face. Shock, bewilderment, fear, oh-my-god-he-is-going-to-rape-me fear, disgust and frown. She gurgled yes and scrammed from there.

Well, the whole funda of writing this is IAM BORED sitting in this bus and adding kilos to my bum and cherishing all the events happened over this bus ride in last few months and also remembering my first EX-FRIEND who introduced MAHARAJA CHAAT BHANDAR to me, the one who showed me real Hyderabad from GACHIBOWLI to OLD CITY. I miss u for all those good times.